Wednesday, August 26, 2009

An Open Letter...



Dear Woman Who Sat Next To Me On The Plane On Sunday,


I want to start this letter by saying had I known that you would talk to me the entire flight, I wouldn't have waved to you when you were four rows up flailing your arms about like you knew me. I only waved because I thought you were a crazy person sitting on another row and possible saying hello to someone else. Had I known that your assigned seat was next to me, I would have looked down at my seat belt IMMEDIATELY. I only realized as you sat down what floodgates I had opened by acknowledging your wave.

When you made your way to your window seat (I say this with clenched teeth because when I signed up for my flight and checked in on time I had a window seat...MY FAVORITE SEAT...and then when I went to go print the boarding pass, I was somehow given a middle seat, but I digress...), you really confused S by saying, "Sorry it took so long. Oh the things we do for a seat by the window." He thought with all of the waving and the chatting that maybe we knew each other. I had to repeatedly tell him I had no idea who you were. To this day he is still convinced that we met in line somewhere and that we struck up an immediate friendship. Please don't do this again. I don't mean to come across as rude, but I don't know you.

While I am sure that your 25-year old daughter is a talented artist, I don't need to look at the book she made you on Snapfish while you explain the photos from family trips. I appreciate it, I really do, but it isn't really my thing.

Also, and this is just something for you to store away for future reference, taking pictures the entire flight (including on the runway) is a little more than slightly annoying. I am sure your family appreciates you capturing every detail, but unfortunately, complete strangers sitting next to you view it as a nuisance.

Something else we need to cover: over-sharing. While I sympathize greatly with your need to wear orthopedic tights, I do not actually need you to explain to me the swelling in your feet and legs. On the same note, I am a newly engaged 20-something female. I really am not interested in how you feel like you rushed into marriage and children and didn't get to practice your craft.

I am so sorry that I didn't comfort you when you were crying (literally) about the fact that your new town doesn't even have community theater and you just discovered your talent for performance art. This breaks my heart, it really does, but I don't do well with tears in general. It's not you, it's me.

I have no problem with small talk, but as luck would have it, I do not work for the tourism board in Houston. While I understand your curiosity, I don't feel like it is necessary for me to explain to you how hurricanes work. I may not have mentioned this, but I am not a meteorologist. Nor do I feel that it is my responsibility to explain to you whether aerospace means "jets or rockets." Lucky for you, we are flying Continental (which is based in Houston) and at the end of the flight into town they have a lovely propaganda video telling you what a great company they are and how wonderful Houston is as a city.

My final travel tip: when the person next to you is constantly putting their nose in their book or magazine, this means that they are reading and do not want to be disturbed. Do not tap them on the shoulder constantly to walk them through the play-by-play of the movie Star Trek even though you are not wearing headphones to hear the movie (although I am more than a little impressed that your knowledge of this movie is so vast that you know exactly what part it is even without sound). I am fully aware that you thought the movie was "really neat" as you told me this approximately 46 times during the flight. When I explain to you that I gave my headphones to my fiancee, please do not urge me to buy another pair from the flight attendant. If I was interested in Star Trek, I would have pulled the extra pair that I had in my carry-on and watched it. Thank you so much for the suggestion, though. From the parts I glanced up and saw after you interrupted my reading, I cannot imagine why your room mate didn't love the movie as much as you did.

I am sorry that this letter has gone on so long, but you took four hours of my life when you sat next to me on that plane.


Hugs,
Sarah

19 comments:

rootsandrings said...

Oh my gosh. This is hilarious!!! Just stumbled upon your blog! I'm from Houston too!

Future Mrs. H said...

HAHAHAHAA I can't stop laughing about this. I swear I've sat next to this woman before... or her long lost twin!

there is nothing more worse than getting stuck listening to someone tell you their life story on a plane when all you want to do is read or sleep!

anotherfishinthesea said...

OH GOD. This sounds awful. I am so sorry. (but I laughed)

At least it made a hilarious story!

Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

Some people are crazy and just don't get it! Why are we the only normal people in the world ;)

Sole Matters said...

orthopedic tights? really? really?? wow, just wow! you poor thing!!!

Future Mrs. H said...

Don't hate me because I hate the Yankees!!! If you like them I wouldn't hate you hahaha.

My whole family loves them while I am just a Sox girl.

Where are you from??

Lindsay said...

too funny! you should print this and hand it to the next person you sit next to on an airplane!

Kristin said...

Awwwwwwww, and you didn't hit her? You're a sweetie. Ah ha

Landlocked Bride said...

Bhahahah! I hate when strangers over share. I guess they think they will never talk to or see you again, so they can spill. Not the case.

Midtown Girl said...

Oh damn this is a nightmare (besides the cockroach thing - my ultimate fear as well). I almost didn't want to read that post. That freaked out by them too...

Sweet Simplicity said...

What an awful experience!I think I would have spent some time in the bathroom just to get away!

JOEX2 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lucinda said...

I think I sat next to her on my Virgin DC to LAX flight. Did she ask you to get up from your aisle seat so she could walk around after you had set up your whole laptop and headphones at least once an hour? I mean, she did have an injury from childhood which required physical therapy twice a month so she can't sit down for long periods of time, but of course that doesn't compute with booking an aisle seat for herself, right? I hate people.

Llama said...

HAHAHAAHA completely hysterical! love it!

Carol said...

haha! So funny! My letter to the lady this morning on the bus next to me, please chew your gum with your mouth closed! Ugh, like nails on a chalkboard!

Jeannie said...

i have NEVER sat beside anyone who bugged me on a flight. thank goodness. i look forward to my reading time and would feel highly put upon to have to listen to someone's problems.

funny post, though!

FashionAddict said...

LOL, that is TOO FUNNY. When my husband and I went to NYC, we sat across the isle and next to different people on the first connecting flight. My husband sat by an old man who FELL ASLEEP ON HIS SHOULDER. I looked over at my hubby trying to politely shrug the old man off, but the old man was in a deep sleep or something and wouldn't budge. Finally, my husband gave up and just let the old man cuddle up to him, LOL.

Dustjacket Attic said...

I have to say this is hysterical. I know you probably felt like giving a kidney or something but you wrote this so well.

I just read Kristins comment, to funny.

xxx

Michelle said...

I am with you! Luckily I most recently traveled with my 3 kids I didn't have this problem. Thank goodness! Hubby and I were beginning to wonder if there was some sort of sign on our foreheads, "if you talk loud or incessently please sit near us." Every flight on the way to and from Hawaii we sat near talkers and the worst part they were in the row in front or in one case 3 rows back. The whole 5-6 hour flight they would not shut the heck up. Don't get me wrong. I am a talker too but people on planes want to be left alone, especially if they are travelling with someone else they would rather be talking to.