Thursday, October 29, 2009

In Honor of Having No Time...

This week, I have actually had to work while at work (the horror!) and I have been more than busy at home, so in honor of me being more popular busy than usual, I am going to take a page from Sarah (good name!) at SkinnyRunner and tell you who you should go check out (this list isn't short...I am trying to include something for everyone):

: She's funny. And she runs. Since I am not really a "workout" sort of gal, I feel like I burn some calories when I read her race reports. Oh and she fishes a few months a year in Alaska.

Martinis or Diaper Genies?: Look, we all know she's obsessed with me. So go over there and make her feel cool. She needs it. She doesn't get out much.

The Franzia Files: I know her in real life. She's funny. Once her husband ran over the third row seats to their Tahoe while driving the Tahoe. Go over to her blog and ask her about it.

Scented Glossy Magazines
: All Bravo. All the time. Enough said. (Except when she posts pictures of her husband's butt)

Just Shoe Me: Go read about the random things that happen to Stephanie.

Millitini Straight Up, With a Twist: I'm not sure how I originally found her, but now I am hooked.

Landlocked Bride
: Great ideas for people planning a wedding (or a party) (or obsessed with weddings) (or who like to look at pretty things).

Life on a Hanger
: She helps me kill time at work by Google chatting with me (S's assistant stopped answering my calls a long time ago). So props to her. She talks about clothes and music and random things (like hot dogs being dyed red).

(flash) pasteurized
: We share a mutual hate of cockroaches and a love of Purell. But I will warn you, she has a long list of allergies so if you ever hang with her in real life, be prepared to use an EpiPen.

And in honor of Halloween this weekend, leave your favorite (or absolute worst) Halloween costume in the comments. I want to hear all about it.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

W W J D ?

What Would Jen Do ?

Two things have sparked this post...

(1) My friend Jen had a birthday this weekend. If I had to guess, she's probably pretty old.
(2) I get a lot of catalogs in the mail and they all have left me with a sort of WTF feeling.

I feel like the styling in a catalog should make me WANT to purchase something, not make me beg a friend who's older than me for pictures of her so I can compare them and ask myself WTF. Am I wrong in this? (Don't answer that.)

Backtrack: I get a lot of catalogs in the mail. I really like clothes. Jen knows this. When she received her J. Crew catalog (back in September, I believe) she says to me (paraphrasing here): "Have you seen the latest J.Crew? WTF?"

My response: "Yeah, I don't get it."

Then she proceeds to tell me the story of how she used to work at The Limited and wore outfits styled very much like the Crew catalog all the time (obviously, she was a trendsetter).

Which led to me asking for the photographic evidence of all of this. Being a good friend, she turned them over to me, knowing full well that I was going to use them to mock her. See? That's what friends are for.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Lucky for us, readers, these photo include so many trends (ties with boxer shorts, unfortunately never made it big):
  • Boyfriend blazer...check!
    Bonus points for rolled sleeves (which Jen neglected in her Holiday 1992 look), negative 5 points for insufficient layering and pairing with jeans...BORING!

  • Dressy shorts...check!
    Missed potential for bonus points here because shorts are severely lacking a Christmas plaid.

  • Excessive layering...check! check! check!

  • Chambray shirt...check!
    Bonus points for pairing it with shorts, minus 2 points for insufficient layering.

  • not seen in first photo...tights under shorts...check!
    I think we all know where the styling went wrong here...clearly a lack of layers.

So leave Jen (belated) birthday love in the comments. She isn't so good of a friend that she actually reads my blog, but sometimes she has her husband read it to her, so make sure to leave comments that will sound even better coming from him.

Friday, October 23, 2009

On This Day in History...

In 1707, the first Parliament of Great Britain, created by the Acts of Union between England & Scotland, held its first meeting.

In 1824, the first steam locomotive is introduced.

In 1911, aircraft was used for the first time in war.

In 1915, 25,000 women march in NYC demanding the right to vote.

In 1918, Actor Charlie Chaplin marries Mildred Harris.

In 1925, Heeeeeere’s Johnny! Johnny Carson is born in Corning, Iowa.

In 1929, the first North American transcontinental air service begins between New York City & Los Angeles.

In 1930, the first miniature golf tournament is completed in Chattanooga.

In 1941, the Disney film Dumbo is released.

In 1945, Tom is born (my future father-in-law).

In 1946, the United Nations General Assembly convenes in NY for the first time.

In 1947, husband & wife Drs. Carl & Gerty Cori are the first spouses to be awarded joint Nobel Prizes.

In 1954, the U.S., Great Britain, France, & the USSR agree to end occupation of Germany.

In 1959, TV legal commentator and former prosecutor Nancy Grace is born in Macon, Georgia.

In 1962, President John F. Kennedy announces an air & naval blockade of Cuba after the discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island.

In 1973, President Nixon agreed to turn the White House tape recordings subpoenaed in the Watergate investigation.

In 1983, a suicide truck-bombing at Beirut International airport killed 241 members of the U.S.military.

In 1988, Robert Bork's Supreme Court nomination is rejected by the U.S. Senate.

In 1991, Clarence Thomas is sworn in as a Supreme Court Justice.

In 1993, Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Joe Carter became the second player to end a World Series with a home run - a three-run shot that gave Toronto an 8-6 victory over the Philadelphia Phillies in Game 6 of the series.

In 1995, a jury in Houston convicted Yolanda Saldivar of the murder of Selena.

In 1996, the New York Yankees set a record by coming back from 6-0 in a World Series game to beat the Atlanta Braves 8-6.

In 1997, the Earth's 7th millennium begins.

In 2001, Apple releases the iPod.

In 2002, Chechen rebels seized a crowded Moscow theater, taking hundreds hostage. Russian forces stormed the building the next day.

In 2006, Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling was sentenced by a federal judge in Houston to 24 years, 4 months for his role in Enron's collapse.

In 2007, the Space Shuttle Discovery successfully launches.

In 2010, I will marry my best friend and the love of my life.

365 Days...the countdown begins!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Only in Texas (Wedding Edition)

This might be the most random fact about me, but I have a slight obsession with the DCC.*

Only in Texas would the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders be at your wedding.**

*Also, I may be a little jealous because after all the talking about Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (and the show Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team on CMT) over at Martinis or Diaper Genies?, people find her blog by googling "cowboys cheerleaders implants" instead of mine. The worst part is, she had NEVER EVEN HEARD of this show. Sadness. (Sidenote: go over there and leave her husband some's his birthday and he's old)

**For the record, for all I know this girl is in DCC herself (OMG I would be so jealous...seriously) or her new husband works for them or whatever. It doesn't take away the funny for me.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

For the Love of All That is Holy...

...Bethenney Frankel is pregnant.

I love Bethenney. Really, I do.

But this is not right.

1. She is engaged to a man named Hoppy. This is as unacceptable as the adult woman I know who only dates men who go by animal names (and some named after card suits).

2. She was forced to talk about it because there was "online buzz". Jesus Christ. You aren't 10 years old. You don't have to give in to peer pressure.

3. I think she is an eating disorder waiting to happen. Per People magazine: "I'm hungry in a way that is not negotiable." Uh oh. Look's like SGM was right...there may just be a line of SkinnyBaby baby food on the way.


She does get bonus points though for telling E!: "He liked it so much he put a ring on it!"

Short Review.

Bad news:

One of my favorite spots in NYC used to look like this...

Now looks like this...


The website says: "La Goulue has closed its doors after 36 wonderful years of serving its appraised French cuisine. We are planning to re-open soon in a new location..."

Let's hope it really does come back.

Good news:

I saw some fall weather (okay, maybe it wasn't really "Fall" as much as it was "Nor'easter", but whatever)...

(okay, so you people who get Fall every year, might not think this looks like Fall really, but trust's Fall to me...)

...which means I got to wear coats...

...we got upgraded at the hotel...

...I finally got to try Park Avenue Autumn...

...everyday I ate this...

Short & sweet.

Overall, it was a great trip.

Monday, October 19, 2009


I am sad to be back from my trip, but decided to give you all this little gem that I found in the airport on my way out to NYC.

This is a Mexican man (I heard him tell a woman in a shop that he was from Mexico...this is not a generalization, people) with a mustache wearing a sombrero through the airport.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Only in Texas

I am heading to New York today for the rest of the week and in honor of the fact that I will get the chance to wear coats for the rest of the week/weekend, I present you guys with my newest series...

Only in Texas.

Okay, so most of you guys know that I am not Texas' biggest fan. The state has its perks, there's no denying that. But I'll be honest...I'm over its perks.

I am looking for a change. And this heat (temps in the 90s...IN OCTOBER) and humidity (on Wednesday it was literally 100%) are not helping things. I need 4 seasons (please don't tell me I can move somewhere else in the state that has cooler temps...I know this...I'm a native Texan...I need a change that involves 4 REAL seasons).

It doesn't help matters that every TV show represents Texas with ridiculous stereotypes (I hate to let you all down, but I don't have longhorn cattle on my lawn...bummer).

But we all know stereotypes are usually based on something real.

I have no idea how often this will occur. It depends on what's in the news or what's going on around me. Because there really are some ridiculous things around here.

Today's photo was sent to me a while back by a friend in Austin. Without further ado, I present to you the first installment of Only in Texas:

Have a great rest of the week!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A Riddle and An Open Letter

Who got rear-ended yesterday on her lunch break and pushed into another car?*

Who rear-ended me yesterday on my lunch break and canceled their insurance policy a few days ago?**

Dear Karma gods,

I am so sorry for whatever I did to upset you. Was it the stink eye?


*Hint: Me
** Hint: The guy who hit me and pushed me into the lady in front of me.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Reason #98 I Wasn't Born Famous (or Reason #672 I Don't Live in LA)

This weekend, S was out of town so I went shopping.

I walk in the store (it's not big) and there is a woman in the back corner with a dog. I am not anti-dog. I am pro-dog all the way. But this was not a seeing-eye dog. It was not a dog in a purse (not that I am necessarily for that, but you realize this is much more normal in the middle of a store). It was a dog that looked about the size of a corgi (maybe). (This is weird because she was in the middle of the store. This doesn't happen often in my experience in Houston.)

So I do what I would do to anyone in that situation. I sighed loudly and gave her the stink-eye. It was well-deserved. Trust me.

This is when she turns around and looks at me. I do not divert my stare.

Fast-forward to me making my purchase...

Sales person: Did you see that lady with the dog? (Sidenote: she says this like she's annoyed)
Me: Yes. I gave her the stink-eye and she caught me, but the worst part is she looks familiar.
Sales person: Yeah. That was Selma Blair.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

An Open Letter...

Dear humidity,

I hate you.

It's October. You and your friend Heat need to get with the program.



Tuesday, October 6, 2009


In case you can't read it: If you looked this good on your birthday, I'd stare too.

Backstory: my future mother-in-law's at-home uniform consists of giant t-shirts and sweatpants. When we drove to St. Louis from Texas last year she was waiting for us with pizza and I noticed she was wearing this shirt. The greatest part about it is that she never thought to read the shirt before putting it on, so when I read to her what it said, she was more than slightly embarrassed (turns out if was a free gift for visiting the local casino on either her or her husband's birthday). Then she gave me the shirt as a parting gift.

Monday, October 5, 2009

I have upset the Karma gods...

This weekend started like this...

Hint: I should have stuck with these pretzels.

And ended like this...

You see, guys, it's all fun & games until someone gets food poisoning*.

It was my fault. I blame two things: under-cooked brats and men in fake lederhosen.

Not the actual shirts, but very similar. I now regret not taking a picture.

The actual bratwurst that tried to kill me.

Prior to finding out I had food poisoning, the evening was a great time. Thanks to Jen and Jim for inviting us to Oktoberfest at the St. Arnold's Brewery. S got way too drunk. Same goes for Jim. Jen wore her dirndl.

Isn't she festive?

But I am serious about having upset the karma gods. Last week dog diarrhea in the shoe and now food poisoning. Luckily, I was well enough to stay awake for both Dallas Divas & Daughters on Style as well as My Monkey Baby on TLC.

*Yes, it was real live food poisoning, not the "I'm hungover, but too ashamed to admit it so I am blaming something else" poisoning that S always claims to have (sidenote: without fail, just about every time we go out and drink, S is hungover the next day and he almost always claims to be "coming down with something"...if you suggest he is hungover he will guffaw and say "no way, I didn't drink much...this is a cold/flu/ebola/etc...)

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Why My Friends Are Funnier Than I Am...

I just got this e-mail from my friend Jen...

Flew to NJ today... In the bitch seat. I see why they call in that because I am going to bitch. Will save details for Saturday but basically football man on my right didn't shower after his workout and old fat lady on my left pissed herself.

It feels better to know I am not the only one who is having a shitty week...literally.