Wednesday, September 30, 2009

NO. WORDS.

Last night the dog diarrhea-ed on my shoes.*







*You have no idea how long I considered taking a photo of this incident for my blog. When S called and I told him the picture idea, he said "You totally should have."

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

True Story.

I have nothing to talk about today so I thought I would share this*.

A few weeks ago (Labor Day weekend), S starts telling me he is not feeling well...

So I did what any good fiancee would do...I went home and announced I wasn't coming back until he was well.

In my defense, it is the last cold & flu season we can avoid each other. I am taking advantage of it. Plus, I am a total pain in the ass when I don't feel good. And I am allergic to acetaminophen (please don't spike my drink...it will kill me) so I don't get to take the good cold medicine.

S's diagnosis: swine flu

For real.



His response to this diagnosis: I have been craving bacon lately...**


*He had mentioned that he didn't want this blogged about, but he is currently on a plane (Hi, S! I love you!) so he won't read this for a couple of days. If I really thought that he didn't want it mentioned I wouldn't have, but I don't think he cares. I just think he was grumpy.

**In his defense, he was sick. Things are funny when you are high on Nyquil that might not otherwise be funny.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Monday?

Since it's Monday and I don't feel like saying much of anything, you get this:





Watch. Immediately.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Why I probably couldn't blog for a living...

I run out of topics. You see, I have lots to say (just ask people who know me for reals), but I just can't get into typing it out. Lame, I know.

Anyhow, since I am a crappy blogger, I will tell you about someone else...



Go visit happy_wife over at Franzia Files. You'll laugh, I promise. I mean I have only met her once in real life, but we have e-mailed back and forth some and she promised me her liver and we both eat rutabaga at Thanksgiving...so that totally makes us friends!



So, yeah...sorry...that's all I've got today. But seriously. Check it out.



Oh and this is where I will be this weekend:


Please don't stalk me. Thanks in advance.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The End of the World is Near.

Remember when I posted about this?

(Don't worry...I'll wait while you click the link...)



Well, last night the SGM alerted me to this*...

My source is SGM


I have no words.



*Yes, it is the same person. Lynn Curtin.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

For Serious.

A few days ago, Amanda of Martinis or Diaper Genies? was complaining that her friend stole her super-secret baby name to give to his dog.

Naturally, this cracked me up. So I gave her some new name suggestions, mainly because I am helpful and a good friend.

Here was my list (don't worry you guys, I am not using any of these...you can have them):
Butch
Gryffendor
Cholera
Avarice
Lemonjello
Mercedes Chanel
Candy Kahne
Tyranny
Amiraclenamedamy
Samurai

So after my comment, Amanda sends me an e-mail telling me which one of her names is her favorite. One of them was Amireaclenamedamy.


Which leads me to the point of this post: That is a REAL NAME. I met the girl's mother (who had a perfectly normal name) the other day. Her daughter goes by "Miracle." True Story.

W00T, W00T (3rd Edition)

Oh my! I can't believe it is already time for a third edition of W00T-ing.

Special thanks to everyone who took the time to define W00T for me last time. I can't believe I never thought to consult Urban Dictionary before.

The fabulous Cee over at Curiousity has given me my THIRD award (if you ask me why, I would venture to guess it's my hard-hitting journalism skills).



Here is how it works:
1. List 5 current obsessions
2. Pass the award on to 5 other bloggers.

Here are my current obsessions:

1. Coats. Last week we went to something S calls "Amway for clothes" and my friend Jen kept pulling coats for me to look out knowing they are my kryptonite. If I ever need to break an addiction, I know who NOT to call.

2. I don't know that I will ever be the person who says "cooking relaxes me." I don't know how to do it so I don't like to do it. Maybe if I had better cooking skills I would be more likely to file cooking under relaxation? But probably not. (I know this isn't an obsession but it has been on my mind a lot lately)

3. Boots. I love all kinds of boots. Pointy-toed boots. Riding boots. Chunky heeled boots.

4. Engagement pictures. I have a dates set and now I am trying to figure out where to do them, what to wear, etc. etc. etc.

5. Cleaning. I spent part of Sunday afternoon cleaning the grout in my bathroom. Obsessive? Without a doubt. I am a really big neat freak in general but all of a sudden I have recently been seized even more by the need to have everything around me cleaner than it has been.

I pass this award on to anyone who hasn't received it yet! Thanks again, Cee!

Monday, September 21, 2009

City Confidential


So remember this incident?

Well, I didn't tell you, dear readers, where we stayed...


Remember how I told you that I wasn't staying at a Best Western? I was serious.

Pretty swanky lobby, no? What isn't pictured is the nice gentlemen who wait at the elevator and sometimes even check your key if they think you don't belong in their establishment (not that that happened to me or anything...)

Overall, very nice hotel. Good service (barring the whole locked out of the room thing...but even then they were nice). Great location (right on Central Park). A little traffic-y (one of the drawbacks of being right by the park, I guess). Would have definitely recommended it to a friend.

Fast forward to this weekend...

Woman is Found Strangled at Luxury Hotel on Central Park

In case you are too lazy to click on the link I will give you the run down...a woman from Dubai had been living in the hotel (Essex House) since August (WHEN I WAS STAYING THERE) and was found dead (and naked) in her apartment Saturday afternoon with a knife still in her neck. The head of housekeeping has been arrested in the murder (and attempted rape)...he used his Master Key to get into the apartment and commit the murder.

An even scarier account of things that makes the NY Times article look tame.


Is this not the scariest thing you have ever heard?


All I need is something else to add to my neuroses.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Why I Don't Read the Local News...

So two nights ago, S called me with some terrible news...

The Bookstop on Sheperd was officially closed.

Sidenote: I love bookstores. I love the way they smell. I could seriously sit in a bookstore for days and never leave. I even met S at a bookstore (random, I know)!


This book store was in an old movie theatre and it was just fantastic. I'll be honest...they didn't have the largest selection in town, but it was pretty close and they always had the books you wanted to read. If for some reason they didn't have something, they would find it for you. Plus, they had employee reviews of children's books. My favorite was a review of Where the Wild Things Are and the employee wrote "AHHHHHHHHH! MONSTERS!" So, yeah, this wasn't news I took lightly.

Back when the book store was a theatre. Cool, huh?

Anyhow, after this news I start scouring the interwebs for some sort of information. I mean, I was just at this book store a couple of weeks ago and I hadn't heard anything about it even MAYBE closing. (Seriously, I pass this place 8 times a week...shouldn't someone have posted a sign or something???) So I go to our local newspaper's website...NOTHING. Not even a note at the end of the webpage. NOTHING.

So today I go to look again and I found a paragraph-long article about this Houston gem closing. That's it.


But while I was there a headline on the sidebar caught my attention "Feral hogs can impair health" and so I clicked on it, intrigued. I stopped reading once I read the title: "Don't play with filth: As one Tomball resident can attest, the mishandling of feral hogs can severly impair one's health." Thanks, chron.com for that helpful reminder. Last I checked, Houston was the nation's fifth largest city or something...are feral hogs really that big of a problem? And why are people going around touching them?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

W00T, W00T (2nd Edition)

Good morning, readers!

I still have no idea what W00T means. Anyone cooler than me know what it means?

I have some great news! Southern Champagne Wishes has given me the Kreativ Blogger Award! Her blog is one of my daily reads! Plus, everyday she posts pictures of her shoes! How can you not love that?!?


The Rules:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4. Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.

5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.

6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated.



7 Things You May Not Know About Me:
- I am a germophobe. Like I always carry Purell. At my desk at work I have Purrell, Lysol spray and Clorox wipes. You never know what housekeeping does when you aren't around.
- I am obsessed with taking pictures. Obsessed. S doesn't like pictures and ends up rolling his eyes and making loud sighing noises whenever I pull out the camera.
- I am always cold. Pretty much wherever I go, I take wraps or pashminas or some sort of sweater. Even in Houston summers (when it is hot as ball sack outside), I usually have a wrap in my purse...restaurants and stores tend to keep things chilly.
- My dream job includes clothes. Lots and lots of clothes.
- I probably drink 8 diet sodas a day. I like coffee, but don't drink it daily for some reason (I think it is because I am too lazy to make it) so instead I get my caffeine through soda.
- I want to live somewhere with 4 seasons. Immediately.
- I refuse to get into the Twilight series. Refuse. People have tried to get me to give it a chance and I can't. It's the principle of the matter.



And now I want to pass this award on to these fantastic bloggers:

Martinis or Diaper Genies?
Just Shoe Me
Jewish Girl in WASP's Clothing
A NYC H.I.T.
Landlocked Bride
Llama Tales
Martinis & Madness

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Everyone must take time to sit & watch the leaves turn.

Elizabeth Lawrence said this (I have no idea who that is, but my Gmail quote of the day let me know that she said it). Look, Liz, I would love to watch the leaves turn, but I live in Houston where it is pretty much always hot (or some variation of hot) and therefore, the leaves don't turn. At some point they suicide off the trees and die, but there is no "turning".

I am going to write about this, but I know that I will instantly regret it because it will force the weather to go all hot and gross on me again...this morning the temperature was pleasant. Not cool, but just significantly less hot. Fingers crossed it stays like this.




On another note, Google is trying to get into my good graces once again by bringing people to my little corner of the blogosphere. The problem is the topics that are causing people to find me.

I can deal with most of them:
life is exciting
periwinkle camp
periwinkle charity
a more exciting life
life more exciting blog

What I can't deal with are these:
housewives looking for fun houston texas
cool exciting chicken dinners
sarah blogspot cheesecake

This just makes me giggle:
will you please put some pants on
put some pants on
i told you to put on some pants



Google, we are getting better. But housewives looking for fun? Cool exciting chicken dinners? None of that applies. Please reevaluate whatever it is that you must reevaluate to not direct those people here. I am all for new readers, but I think those looking for bored housewives are going to be more than a little disappointed.

Monday, September 14, 2009

An Open Letter

Dear Kanye,

Get over yourself.

Hugs,
Sarah

Friday, September 11, 2009

TGIF

Happy Friday all. Remember when Fridays were exciting because TGIF was on TV including Full House and Family Matters? No, me neither. This Friday is exciting for a different reason...no, we aren't having margaritas for breakfast...we have our FIRST GUEST BLOGGER!

Amanda comes to us today from Martinis or Diaper Genies? (That was a statement, not a question. Don't let the punctuation fool you). She sort of internet stalked me until I agreed to let her do a guest post. Awkward, I know. Anyway, go over and check her out sometime. If you don't think she's funny, at least go over there and check out my guest post (oh yeah...I didn't mention we swapped blogs for the day, well we did...deal with it). Take it away Amanda (with my comments in bold)...



Hi friends.

My name is Amanda. I'm visiting from waaaay on the other side of the internet. You know, the place where the goth kids hang out after school and where Britney was hiding out for a good 3 months. But it's fun over there, we mostly discuss what life is like for a married, almost 30 something, and if it's really time to have a baby or just have another drink. Right now I'm about halfway through my 3rd pinot and about to shoot my birth control with it. So you get a feel for where life is right about now.

What I'll have to show for myself as a future housewife.

So Sarah with her "more exciting life" got me thinking. If I had to cook up a life more exciting for myself...what would that really entail? I mean last night I almost shit myself when I saw the Halloween issue of Martha Stewart on newsstands (have you guys seen the issue with her and her horse?? that is MARTHA on the cover. freaky), so that probably wouldn't be chalked up to a most exciting life style to many. **however if anyone wants to get into a Halloween debate regarding importance, relevance and excitement, you know where to find me

Tell me you don't get a special feeling from this and I'll totally wonder about you.

Current excitements include:
  • J. Crew sending me a discount via email that would make the 188 dollar blazer I am interested in 160 and then back to 188 with shipping. HISSSS. Ok not excited, mad actually. (Yeah. This one sucks. JCrew is being lame lately)
  • Performing my morning, lookatmystomach ritual and seeing slightly less roly poly and slightly more hotsy tatsy. We're talking centimeters that could excite me here...
  • B (the husband) purchasing the XL bottle of wine before coming home from work
  • A full DVR waiting for me with new and amazing episodes of Gossip Girl, The Bchelorette, Rachel Zoe or Project Runway. Basically any show either A) meant for a tween or B) "Reality" TV (Reality TV is my FAVORITE)
  • Anything involving carbohydrates




Now should I create a life more exciting, I believe the following things would excite me:
  • Saks calling me to ask me to just please take all of these Louboutins off their hands. I mean they are begging. (she would be obligated to give some to me too, since obvi Saks heard about her through this blog. duh)
  • A lifetime supply of pizza that isn't really pizza but your mouth thinks it is...like ghost pizza or something. What? It could totally be a thing.
  • A clone of me to carry and birth my future spawn and then lose all of the weight on her own time. I'm busy with my shoes. (one for me too please. thanks.)
  • B purchasing the XL bottle of wine before coming home from work. (That's huge and probably won't change)




So those things are reasonable I believe. You should always have dreams and aim high. But for now I'll be content with my US Weekly and some nachos (nachos are the greatest food ever invented. no discussion.). But if you see a girl on the street praying to the pizza ghost for a life more exciting...say hello. We could use some people like you on our side of the internet.

xoxo

Amanda

http://www.martinisordiapergenies.com

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Strawberry Ice Cream Theory




These days I am engaged to a guy that I find fantastic, but I have dated my fair share of disasters. Being a girl, and a neurotic one at that, after each relationship failed there was that "what happened?" period where every move that was ever made was analyzed (don't say you've never done it...I know you have).

So after the relationship before S finally fizzled, I was looking at what the people in my past had in common.

Common Factors of People I Have Dated (and then stopped dating for one reason or another):
- Light colored eyes (I have blue eyes, so I can see past this one)
- Crazy (I would love to say that I dumped people once I found this out, but what can you do? Hindsight is 20/20)
- LIKED STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM

So you are probably saying, "What's so wrong with strawberry ice cream? I enjoy some Neopolitan now and again." What is wrong with strawberry ice cream? EVERYTHING. The fact that I even have to explain it is disconcerting. (And for the record, if I am eating Neopolitan ice cream, I avoid the strawberry)

Now please don't get me wrong. I have nothing against the strawberry itself. I love strawberry flavored things (strawberry on cheesecake, strawberries in my smoothie, chocolate covered strawberries, strawberry yogurt, strawberry margaritas, you get the idea...), but these guys would seek out strawberry. I remember more than once with each of these dudes sought it out.

For example, my last ex before S and I were driving somewhere and I had a hankering for a milkshake. We pull up to the Wendy's drive-thru and he asks what I want (chocolate) and then he orders a STRAWBERRY FROSTIE for himself. Do you know what this is? Blasphemy. (Wendy's is known for their chocolate frosties. This is a fact. I should have known then...)

My college ex and I once went to the grocery store together and do you know what he put in the cart (I am sure at this point in the story you could guess)? STRRAWBERRY ICE CREAM. Not vanilla with strawberry pieces (acceptable), but PINK STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM.

I could go on and on about this topic, but I think you have the point.

Moral of the story: Ladies, if you are dating a guy and he orders strawberry ice cream, run (don't walk) out of the door.



I am serious though. Poll your friends and loved ones. See who would seek out strawberry ice cream. In my experience, the only ones who answer yes to seeking it out are, in fact, crazy.


You're welcome in advance.




Feel free to share your own horror stories in the comments.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Opinions, Please! (Wedding Edition)

Good morning, readers!

Last night I was able to figure out how to change the batteries in the smoke alarm/carbon monoxide detector and was actually able to get a good night sleep (have I mention to you guys that I have been sleeping on the couch when I am at my apartment ever since the incident? well I have) last night.

Since I got such a great response (in terms of number of votes, not how you guys voted) with my last plea for opinions, I am putting it to you guys again (no worries, this time there isn't a wrong answer...at least not yet) to make a major life decision for me.

S and I are getting married next October (as in October 2010) and I have no clue what people in our wedding party are going to wear. I know what you are saying, "But Sarah, you have over a year, why are you stressing out?" Answer: I am neurotic.

So here are the facts:
Wedding Date: October 23, 2010
Number of bridesmaids: 3
Time of wedding: 3:00 PM
Location: Church
Dress color: navy

I have gone back and forth on this issue and here's the thing...buying bridesmaid's dresses sucks. I don't care how many brides say, "Oh I picked this pink taffeta explosion because it's SO VERSATILE. They can totally wear it again!" No one ever wears it again*. Because of this, I don't want these ladies spending much on their dresses and anything wedding-related (that I have liked) is expensive. The benefits is that the girls all match.

Oh wait, I forgot to mention that my little sister/MOH wants strapless. The rest want some sort of straps. So if we go with the matching option, the MOH will have strapless and the rest will not.

But I also really like the idea of the girls being able to pick something (within my guidelines of course) that they like and may actually wear again, spending whatever amount they think is comfortable. The result (in my mind anyway) will be something like this (but with matching shoes):









So here's your chance to tell me what you think:



Vote your hearts out people and tell me why in the comments!

Thanks!



Also, send feel better vibes to S who has come down with something that involves lots of coughing and congestion.




*Please don't send me an e-mail telling me how your bridesmaids wear theirs ALL THE TIME. I am sure every once in a blue moon someone re-wears the dress, but the majority of the time they don't, even if the dress was really not bad.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Give me a second...

It's the Tuesday after a long weekend and my mind isn't right yet.

At least it's a short work week.

Last night at approximately 11:30 (my bed time is as soon as Rachel Zoe is over), my smoke alarm/carbon monoxide detector started beeping/talking (beep beep low battery) at 45 minute intervals. When I tried to disassemble the thing, the alarm started going off. Once I finally got the alarm to shut up, it resumed telling me that it's battery was low.

So yeah, I'm not awake yet.

But at least it's Tuesday.

Friday, September 4, 2009

An Open Letter...

Dear fellow Houston drivers,


That liquid? Falling from the sky? It is called rain.

As a matter of fact, Houston is a hurricane-prone city. Rain should neither be shocking nor panic-inducing.

From now on, when it is 7AM and it begins to drizzle, DO NOT slam on your brakes. While I do believe in road safety, creating a parking lot for absolutely no reason is not necessary.


Hugs,
Sarah

Thursday, September 3, 2009

"I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right..."

"...but I am never wrong."

Has anyone ever heard this quote before? I hadn't but Google must be trying to make it back on my good side because that little nugget was offered up as my "Funny Quote of the Day." I think it sensed today's topic brewing in my mind. Nice work, Google. You're not back in the fold quite yet, but it's baby steps.

Funny Quote of the Day - Samuel Goldwyn - "I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong."

Which brings me to the subject at hand...

I have bad news for a majority of my readers.

At the time I am typing this, I have received 85 total votes on the Christmas stocking poll. Of those votes, 79% of you were wrong. Completely wrong.

Why would you open stockings first?!? THIS IS WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

I was hoping you guys would pick up on my subtle subliminal hints I was sending you. Here was my description of before and after: One of us believes that on Christmas morning, stockings should be opened first, BEFORE you get to all of the presents. The theory behind this is that (1) it is a "natural warm-up, an appetizer if you will" (2) heightens the excitement of the main event and (3) provides time for the parents to get ready, wake up, turn on the camera, etc. The stocking holds only novelties and candy. Another person in this relationship believes they should be opened AFTER you have opened everything else. In this scenario, the stocking has all the usual stuff (lottery tickets, candy and whatever else) plus any accessories from the big presents (for example, if Santa left an iPod, there may be an iPod case in your stocking).

The quote marks around part of the before description (it is a "natural warm-up, an appetizer if you will") was my subtle way of telling you I didn't say it. I was trying to further prove my journalistic integrity to you people.

We need to get on the same page here, readers, otherwise I am going to be forced to settle all of my relationship dilemmas in couple's therapy and I don't think S is down with that.

Okay, back to the subject...why would you open stockings first? Why would you want a stocking with only novelties and candy? Wouldn't you rather have an iPod case or blinged out new earbuds or an iTunes gift certificate?*

Stockings are opened after in my family. It is the holding place. S argues that if Santa leaves you an iPod, the iPod case and blingy ear buds would be in the box with the iPod. This is a terrible idea. Quite possibly the worst idea ever. Why wouldn't you want to drag out the Christmas excitement even longer? Lame.

As Martinis or Diaper Genies said in the comments (although I think she may have cheated and voted for "before" but then left me an comment for "after" to try and cover herself): "wow this is a TOUGH one. Let me just make a case for after although I've done both and like before. You're totally done with your gifts and without fail, everytime I forget about the stocking. It's like the best surprise because you think it's over but it's not!"**

Hailey also gets props for putting at the end of her comment about doing it AFTER presents: "I don't know - its just what we have always done!"


Here is the moral of the story: Thanksgiving is S's family's big holiday. If he says we must eat rutabaga on this day, we will eat it. His rules go. By default this leaves me with Christmas, so if I say we do stockings the correct way (AFTER), then that's how it will be.


Thanks, interwebs, for trying your best to be helpful.***

Leave more Christmas or any holiday (including Columbus Day) traditions in the comments. Bonus points if you had to compromise on traditions because of marriage or relationship.




*Please do not send me your complaints about the commercialization of Christmas. I don't want to hear about it. If you send or receive gifts on Christmas, you cannot complain that it has become a retail holiday instead of the Jesus' birthday. The topic of this post is how you open your gifts from Santa, not a moral or religious debate. Thanksomuch.


**Notice how I put quotes around it? That's because I was QUOTING someone.



***Seriously. More people voted than I expected. And I got all sorts of comments and e-mails that were fantastic. So, for real, good job.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Wishful Wednesday

I am working on a post to discuss the results of the Christmas stocking poll, but I haven't finished it yet, so I will grace you guys with this via Kelsey at The Seattle Smith's...






The first Wishful Wednesday is:

'I wish' .... I could go back in time and change one decision I made, and it would be ____!


'I wish' .... I could go back in time and change one decision I made, and it would be... I wouldn't have had Taco Bell for lunch...I feel gross.


Back tomorrow with something with more substance. Promise.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

An Open Letter...

Dear Google,


I realize that you are trying to market to people by using the little banner at the top of GMail. In the past, these adds have been related to an e-mail I received or sent and sometimes it is even a funny quote of the day, which leads to some confusion on my part. Why was this ad necessary?


Single and Over 40? - MatureSinglesOnly.com - Meet Older, Sincere Daters Everyone is Serious and Screened.


I am neither single nor over 40. Also, I have never sent any e-mails that would imply either of these facts. Google, I am offended. I know I haven't always taken the best care of my skin, but I haven't e-mailed about that either. Can you see me through the computer? Are these hints, Google?

Facebook has figured out that I am an engaged twenty-something. I expected better from you and your technology Google.


Hugs,
Sarah