Monday, April 26, 2010

The Results are In...

Saturday night was THE NIGHT.

Amanda was all freaked out by rape, but I was more concerned with murder. There are lots of alleys and shit in New York and B seemed very tall (which = being really awesome at hiding bodies). The really good amazing news is that neither of them turned out to be murderers. At least not yet.

But here's the thing. I hope they don't turn out to be murderers because they were both so fantastic that I would feel bad testifying against them. Shit, I really hope they don't end up killing me. That would be so awkward.

There is a lot of pressure on an internet bestie meeting. We talk pretty much daily (on the internet, duh) and help each other with super important decisions, like what we should pack before trips and is it appropriate to pack a lookbook (answer = yes). Or where the biggest Forever 21 in California is. So if this didn't go well, I would have a major case of the sads and no one to talk to during the day if I ever find another job.

I feel a little bit bad that I disappointed her with my lack of Texas accent. I did manage to drop a y'all though, which I think impressed her. And S (the non-Texan) explained the usage of "y'all" versus "all y'all." Intriguing dinner conversation to say the least.

And for the record, I didn't eat a baby. Neither did S. We had totally normal things (I had some fish, he had some steak) and MODG was not lying when she said she basically ate off the kids menu. She asked for chicken tenders, but the waiter said no, so she was sad and B ordered some sort of piglet/baby chick thing that was the SUPER FANCIEST THING ON THE MENU.

Then S ordered lots of beers for B.

And Amanda rubbed her ass in a stranger's face (no she wasn't lying about that on her blog. +458 awesome points for her).

Then when the boys were paying the bill, B is all "Is it time for a photoshoot?" (+64 cool points for him) And we are all, "No, not in here" acting like we are totally modest. Then MODG is all "Why would we even take pictures, I can't put your face on the blog?!" (she says this to me) and S goes "SURE YOU CAN!" (he didn't ask me)

So then we walked outside, literally blocked the door and had a 5 minute photo shoot (including some with my camera that look like a drunk took them because I don't have a fancy professional one that requires me to carry it in a big ass purse).

Then the poop/fart cramps started (hers, not mine)and the toilet at the restaurant had a gangsta lean so they had to bail.

When they got in cab, S and I went to a bar called Asian (it was totally fate...literally right across the street from where we ate) to celebrate my very first internet meeting.

His verdict: "She looks way less Asian in person. They can totally come to the wedding."


P.S. If you go to her blog to see my face, please note that I am not pregnant and neither of our faces are that shiny in real life. Thanks for understanding.

Oh and P.P.S. those aren't leggings. Those are my FANCY PANTS.



sarah (signature)

Friday, April 23, 2010

George Washington is a Jerk.


This guy is sort of an asshole.  Don't believe me?  Read this.


Happy weekending!
sarah (signature)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Remember that time...

...that I told you all that I had big news and then I never talked about it again?

Remember how I said I didn't want to say anything until plans were finalized and that you would die of awesomeness?

Tonight S and I head out of town for New York.  He has work and I get to hang out...sounds fair, no?  But that's not the big news.

THE BIG NEWS SO AWESOME YOUR FACE MIGHT EXPLODE SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION

Saturday night MODG and I will finally meet.  For real.  In person.  B and S have agreed to participate as well, so things should be interesting.

I am pretty sure there is only one reason S agreed to be a part of this: MODG needs his "clearance" to be invited to the wedding.  If she and B can prove to S that they would be amazing wedding guests, they get an invite.

Keep your fingers crossed that B and MODG don't blow it.


sarah (signature)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Excuses are Like Assholes...

...sorry about the delay. I have absolutely no excuse for the lack of blogging except to say that it is so much harder to come up with topics when I am not busy procrastinating at work.

For whatever reason, this inspired me to take a look at my Google Analytics. There was a time when I would check this on a regular basis (needless to say, there haven't been any of those times lately).

I had all of the usual suspects...
a life more exciting blog
a life more exciting
alifemoreexciting
lifemoreexciting
i hate life i want something new and exciting

Then things got a little random and wedding related, which confused the hell out of me because I am pretty awful about wedding-related posts (not because I don't want to share, I just never do it):
my wedding updates blogspot
a guy took the garter off my gf with his teeth
audience participation unity candle wedding
did you do a garter toss at your wedding?
garter every inch above the knee
garter toss out of favor
garter toss tacky
garter wedding is tacky let's face it
instead of putting garter flower catch
is the garter toss tacky
making a bouquet out of bows for rehearsal
point of garter toss
putting garter on tradition
wedding garter toss creepy
what if there's no one to throw a garter to?
cool thing to take my wife's garter off

There were even more garter related keywords, but I decided to spare you all the rest. Needless to say, garters are a hot topic around here lately. To answer whoever came here because they were curious if the garter toss is tacky...the answer is yes. YES. And it was confirmed by whoever found me by Google-ing "garter wedding is take let's face it." Thanks for the back-up, friend. I'm a little concerned for the person who had a guy take a garter off his girlfriend with his teeth...that feels more than a little awkward to me (Was your girlfriend the bride? This could make things even worse.). But I hope I was able to help. Oh and I'm not sure that the guy who is talking about taking his wife's garter off is wedding-related.

Randomly, there were lots of keywords involving wellies, which confused the shit out of me because I only posted about them once (during a phase where I was going to try to talk about random pictures), but there is apparently a lot of interest out there:
college hunter wellies
girls hunter wellies pictures
hunter wellies
hunter wellies photos
wellies pictures 2010
should i wear jeans over wellies

And this is only a portion of the weird wellie keywords. But no worries, shit gets weirder...

There were several (I mean SEVERAL) keywords involving vaginas and birthing. I mainly blame this post and Z-Dub for this weirdness, but I'm also sort of flattered that the internet feels I have vast birthing knowledge:
baha'i "water birth"
doulas rubbing vaginas
hony vag
weird but exciting places to give birth

For those of you coming here expecting porn, I'm sorry I let you down. I feel like the person looking for "hony vag" was terribly disappointed. Also, I know nothing of a water birth. I am sure it's beautiful and awesome and organic, but all I think of is sitting in a tub of your own fluids and get totally freaked out (for the record, I refuse to take baths, I only shower, because the thought of sitting in my own filth horrifies me). I do know someone baha'i though. The internet could probably sense that. And as for weird but exciting places to give birth...how about the orangutan cage at the zoo? It's all "WTF? Why am I in the orangutan cage at the zoo? But damn if I survive this shit, this will make an amazing party story." See? Weird but exciting.

Next is the portion where the internet tried to insult me:
"i am a mean bitch"
make sarah's life more exciting

Screw you, internet. Moving on...

Things took a turn for even more weird, but I am pretty sure I am amazed and flattered that (1) there are people out there looking for some of this crap and (2) they found me as a result of it:
more straight asian guys public peeing
sarcasic digs at ppl
why pigs were banished in philadelphia in 1710
where to find sarcastic chat room remarks
vicky gunvelson
sarcasic digs at ppl
houston newscaster belt buckle and old blue jeans
kinky hair white
is it correct to say "they refused to speak to me"

I'll be honest, I had no idea people still used chatrooms. This is 2010, not 1996. Get with it. Whoever was looking for peeing asians is probably a pervert or a weirdo, but they get lots of credit from me for being so supportive of Asians 2010. Based on the "kinky hair white" and the questions involving grammar, people are wanting me to bring back my advice column. Person looking for "vicky gunvelson"...she doesn't live here. But she spells her name V-I-C-K-I. You're welcome. Finally (you're probably thinking THANK GOD), I hope whoever was looking for the "sarcastic digs" left satisfied.

This was my long drawn out way of saying I'm sorry. And I *pinky promise* to try to be better at blogging and not stay gone so long.


sarah (signature)

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Only in Texas.



There are no words for this.*




*For the record, I have been trying to load this stupid picture for 2 days and every time I tried, Blogger laughed in my face and said, "Haha!  No way that shit is real.  The internet only posts truth."  But then I guess Blogger did a little Texas research and figured it probably was true, so they went with it.

sarah (signature)

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

An Open Letter.

Dear Santa Barbara,

Thank you so much for hosting S and I a couple of weeks ago. We had an amazing time visiting you and hope to eventually make it back there. Despite the creepy/weird/maybe-a-kidnapper-but-I'm-not-really-sure-and-don't-want-to-judge Italian teenager running the front desk at check-in, the bed & breakfast (once again, after a rocky start with a funny smell) ended up being perfect. It wasn't their fault that the last few times we have picked completely random hotels off the internet based on Google Maps and pretty pictures they were absolutely perfect. Your friend and neighbor Los Olivos was pretty amaze balls too. Great wine and nice people.



I liked you. I really did. I even liked you so much I recommended you to my friend MODG (maybe when she's in a famous H&M ad she can do her shoot with you).

Santa Barbara, you and I both know you're gorgeous, so I will just cut to the chase...

Before our trip everyone asked if we had done any traveling in California. I explained and so did S. When we mentioned our last trip was to Laguna Beach, everyone turned their noses up at us. Called us yuppies and snobs. According to everyone, Laguna Beach is too rich. Basically a suburb for LA. Everyone said nothing could beat the "artist hamlet" that is Santa Barbara. So quaint. Perfect small town. On and on and on everyone went.

Well, Santa Barbara, everyone is a liar. When State Street includes a Saks Fifth Avenue, Forever 21 and multiple Starbucks, you are no longer allowed to call yourself "quaint." Not even an artist beach fair will help you claim that title. No, I am not arguing with good shopping. I love good shopping just about as much as I love wine and babies, but a Macy's and an Restoration Hardware are sort of the anti-artist.

You do have gorgeous mountain views and badass beach scenery, so no worries, we'll be back.



Until next time...

Hugs,

Sarah

sarah (signature)

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Found.


The one advantage of being unemployed is that it really frees up your schedule to do totally random crap during the day that you never had time to do when you were employed. Like go to 4 TJMaxxs in a row with your little sister. And find shit like this on the shelf.



Be back with a real post later.*



*Later might be tomorrow.

sarah (signature)

Monday, March 22, 2010

Wedding Update.

Hi. Remember that time I said I was going to post more? Me neither. But I'm here.

I promised last week that I would talk about the whole garter toss thing and why it isn't for me, but first an update (on wedding shenanigans).

I've decided I should take some time during all of this unemployment nonsense to convince someone to bake us a cake and put together some flowers. I should also find someone to deal with my makeup and my hair. Suggestions? Send them my way.

I have ordered (and picked up) invitations. Sent out save the dates. Bought wedding shoes for myself. Picked up the bridesmaids dresses.

And now? Now I wait. And wait.

Some days October seems a LONG way off.


One thing that was apparently very hard for people to grasp was the fact that I refuse to do a garter toss. I'm not sure why but people (imaginary internet people and family and everyone else) seems to get bent out of shape when I announce that I am not letting S toss my garter (that just sounds dirty), but nearly every time I mention it, I get a crazy look or a "Why not?  It's tradition!  You LOVE tradition!"

That's right, I do love tradition.  I love the idea of something old, something new.  But the garter is just too much for me.  (Same goes for the unity candle but that's a different story for a different day.)

In my original post on the matter I said: "Here is the thing: I'm not into PDAs in general, let alone INVITING my brand-new husband to go up my dress in front of all of our friends and family. Nothing about that to me sounds fun. Would you let your husband reach up your dress at the family reunion? (If your answer is yes, please find another blog. Thanksomuch.) I don't see how this shit is any different."

I've been to plenty of weddings where a garter toss was the norm.  I have seen grooms climb up a bride's dress and I have seen it where they just have an extra garter on hand.  Either way, I think it's tacky.  And I don't want something I find tacky at OUR WEDDING.

As a matter of fact, I do not even plan to wear a garter at all.  It's not my thing.

I am pretty sure S could absolutely care less about any of this garter nonsense, but it doesn't hurt my case that almost all of his male friends (and a lot of mine as well) who will be at the wedding are married.



When I originally posted this last month, Maggie left a great comment (and it's great advice for every bride):

"Totally with you here.

Wedding "traditions" that we skipped:
- Bouquet toss
- Garter toss
- Father walking down the aisle
- Veil
- Minister
- Wedding cake
- Wedding favors

He even snuck into bed with me the night before. Screw not seeing each other - it's the only way we were going to get a good night's sleep.

Point is, we eliminated everything that felt icky and fake to us, and concentrated on making it the most "us" we could. And our wedding rocked because of that.

Go with your gut."


More questions?  Feel free to leave them in the comments (and I promise to be better about getting to them...sorry for the delay Brown Girl)

sarah (signature)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Miss Me?

Hey there.

I didn't forget about any of you.  I left town last Thursday for Santa Barbara and came back late Sunday night.  (The trip was fabulous, thanks for asking.  Amazing weather.  Lots of wine.  S and I had a great time.  I can  get into details later if you like.)

I came back to work Monday.  Did my thing until around 2 or 3 in the afternoon when I got called into my boss' office and was laid off because my position was being eliminated (or was it consolidated?...who knows).

I have spent most of the week trying to come up with some semblance of a resume and figure out what I am going to do.

The good news is that I was ready to let go of that old job.  I had a feeling that the lay-offs were on there way.  No idea why I didn't actually ever start looking in other places but I didn't.  I was underpaid and had the world's shittiest commute, so the way I see it, nothing but good can come from this little incident.

More good news: being unemployed gives me more time for blogging.  I'll see what I can do about posting more.  Deal?  Deal.




P.S. Brown Girl your explanation on garter toss is coming.  I was going to do it this week, but a pity party trumped blogging.  Sorry.


P.P.S. Go here and vote for Jen.   She is a badass who just so happens to have breast cancer and was nominated by her friends to walk in the Survivor Parade at the Kentucky Oaks.  It will take all of 5 seconds of your life to vote, but do yourself a favor and take an extra 45 seconds to read her story.  (And if that doesn't convince you, she promised SGM she would stalk any and all members of the Bravo family that happen to be there.)  Go.  Now.

sarah (signature)

Friday, March 12, 2010

Fun Fact Friday.

I'm not here today.  So if you see this, I'm pretty much capable of magic.  I know, I'm awesome.

I'm in Santa Barbara for the weekend, so if you don't hear from me, I'm not dead.  Please don't call the police.  Thanks in advance.

Last week, not many of you guys participated in FFF, which is pretty much bullshit.

In addition to the old rules (post a fun fact), there is a new a rule: no more facts about the length of your arm matching your foot size or licking your elbow.  No more.

Last week's fun fact comes from Llama: "More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes."




My Fun Fact is: Pigs were banished from Philadelphia’s city streets in 1710.

This confuses me...are pigs a huge problem in Philly?  I have no idea.


Leave your Fun Fact in the comments.

Anyhow...happy weekending!
sarah (signature)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

So Close.

Last night, I was almost approached by aliens.



Or so I thought.

I was laying in bed around 11:30 PM (i.e. way past my bed time) and there was a bright beam of light and a loud noise outside my window (like something was hovering).

At first, I was really nervous to open the blinds to see what the deal was (side note: it's weird that this makes me nervous because I am constantly convinced that someone is going to break into my car so I have mastered the sneaky "open the blinds without being seen" trick), but then I remembered that MODG once taught me that if you ask an alien if they are an alien, they have to say yes.  Plus, I spend a lot of time listening to Coast to Coast AM with S, so I decided I could handle this.

Then I heard police sirens.  And I got sort of pissed that one of my asshole neighbors (who are mostly old people, except the firefighter/EMS guy and family) called the cops.  The #1 rule of aliens/ghosts is don't call the police.  They always screw it up.

N.W.A. knew what was up.  Police have no respect for aliens/ghosts.


Come to find out, it wasn't aliens at all.  It was a police helicopter trying to find someone/chase someone down.

Or at least that's what the government is telling me.

sarah (signature)

Friday, March 5, 2010

Fun Fact Friday.

After this post, I received the following comment from landlockedbride:

"Baha. I had a good found the other day which consisted of a girl in leggings that were too tight - I could see her thong. The photo didn't turn out very well though :( I was gonna send it to you and put "Found: Your underwear"

This has potentially inspired something new. Send me weird shit you see. Don't be bashful. If it's good, I'll post it, and I will give you all of the credit. I win because I'm lazy and sometimes don't know what to post. You win because you get recognition from me (which we know is all you guys really want anyway).


But on to the task at hand...

You guys know the drill.  Leave your fun fact in the comments.  As of last week, I promised I would pick a favorite.
Jane said: "Your earlobes line up with your nipples... true story."

 His piercings line up nicely with his lobes, no?

Thank you, Jane, for inspiring all of us to lock ourselves in the bathroom at work to test this theory.


Today's Fun Fact: In 2000,4,058,814 babies were born in the U.S.



Holy shit. That's a lot of babies.


Impress me with your knowledge in the comments.


Happy Weekending!



sarah (signature)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Found.


This was found in the window of the same hospital gift shop where I found this.  So maybe that's why I find it so strange.  I get it.  It's telling you to blow out the birthday candle.  But still...weird.
sarah (signature)

Friday, February 26, 2010

Fun Fact Friday.

Welcome to Friday, people.


You guys have been doing really well lately with the facts. It's been almost TWO WEEKS since I have been forced to read the "it's impossible to lick your elbow" nonsense that I got for several weeks in a row. Golf claps to all of you.

This week we have exciting new changes to FFF. Each week, I am going to feature the best and the brightest (read: the one I like the most) Fun Fact from the week before.


Today's Favorite Fun Fact comes from a reader that doesn't always comment, but when they do, they make it count:


剩沒底天 said...
希望能常常看到你的更新...




My Fun Fact: Polar bears are left-handed.






And in honor of Go Texan Day:



Happy Weekending!


sarah (signature)

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Only in Texas.

Sorry for the hiatus. But I'm back.

Last weekend S and I had a thing. Let me start by saying that I was wary about this "thing" from the moment we received the invitation. The attire called for "dressy denim and boots."

When we got there, this was what we pulled up to.


I know it looks like it was taken by a drunk.  It wasn't.  **pinky swears** We were being rushed up the driveway because people were behind us and S forced me to speed the process along.  But what you can see is a country club with a big ass Texas flag across the front.  Only in Texas.

Which leads me to the outfit that Texas is proud of: the Texas Tux.

There is some debate on what this ensemble includes.

Per urbandictionary.com: "Denim jacket, denim jeans, often accompanied by a bolo tie and denim shirt. May include cowboy boots and/or cowboy hat"  I have never heard it described this way.  I would hope even Texans would think twice before showing up in something like that.

WikiAnswers is more on board for the definition as I know it: "Texas Tux is tuxedo worn with jeans, cowboy boots, and cowboy hat. Often the cummerbund is replaced with a large belt buckle as well. Hence, only the tux shirt, jacket, and bow-tie remain from the original tuxedo."

Basically, it looks like this:


Snazzy, no?

sarah (signature)

Friday, February 19, 2010

Fun Fact Friday.

This week has kicked my ass.

So let's get right down to it.

Fun Fact Friday. You know the rules. Leave a fun fact. Or else.

Fun fact: When you die your hair still grows for a couple of months.

Happy Weekending!









Sidenote: there used to be a news anchor in Houston (RIP Marvin Zindler) who used to sign off on Friday nights with "Have a good weekend - good golf, good tennis, or whatever makes you happy." Every time I say "Happy Weekending" I think of that.

sarah (signature)

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

In Defense of Sarcasm.

When I started writing this post, it was going to be about people being too uptight about what other people wrote. As a blogger, you choose to put yourself out on the internet. In making that choice, you also have to be open to potential criticisms people make about you.

It was going to be sort of generic and talk about some random things that I have noticed lately. Mainly, too much unnecessary drama. People copying each other. People getting hurt feelings. People starting rumors about other people that they have only met three times in their life. The list goes on...

A few weeks ago, a blogger got her feelings hurt after she posted pictures from a party. Here is what the commenter said:

"I am SURE you are a wonderful girl. That is a beautiful dress and your hair is gorgeous but the color is WAY too light blonde for your skintone. Your roots and eyebrows look BLACK and that is not flattering. It washes you out. You need something less severe. You will be so glad you listened when it comes time to look back on your wedding photos years from now. Instead of saying what I was thinking? You'll be pleased."

In my opinion (for what it's worth), this commenter wasn't being rude. She was giving AN OPINION. The blogger posted pictures of herself on the internet and a reader left HER OPINION. It's the blogger's right to have hurt feelings, but you can't get pissed that someone left an opinion. You put it out there. If you are looking for compliments only, maybe you should make your blog private. My only problem with the above comment is that the person chose to remain anonymous. If you are going to have an opinion, make it count and put your name behind it. Otherwise, what's the point.

But then today there was another incident...

A blogger got her ass chewed for making jokes involving another blogger. She was called judgmental and mean, among other things. Here is a comment that was left on her post:

"So you're a bitch. And you internet bully. And you hate junior league, sororities, and all things deemed "high society".

Can't we all just hug it out?

I hate Lilly, but I am in the junior league and was in a sorority. I cuss and wear black and despise lobsters on pants.

But was this post really necessary? Do you even know the person you're hating on? Because I know if I received an email like yours, I wouldn't have responded either. It's clear you're trying to make fun of her. Why would she respond? And an entire post? Really?

Not to mention, you've just made this preppy blogger even more popular. You're fueling readership to her blog. And I can tell you, as someone that knows her in person, she absolutely doesn't care.

It's sad really..."

There were several nasty comments left including things like:

"Aside from all things pink & green, "preppy" and Lilly related, why do you feel the need to attack someone that you don't know?

I personally know this blogger and what you say is completely untrue. And just to make it very clear I don’t own a single piece of Lilly so the fact that we are friends has nothing to do with pink and green or Lilly. It’s pretty clear from your snarky email that you did not genuinely want to come to the Lilly Warehouse sale so who could blame her for not responding to you email.

Just because someone happens to be preppy or like Lilly doesn’t mean that they deserve to have hatred spewed towards them. The same could be said about your creepy obsession with Suri Cruise, does warrant an attack because you are some sicko???? Everyone has different things that they are interested in……"

"I'm not preppy at all. Im anti-preppy but that doesn't mean I exclude preppy people from my life just because they wear Lilly."


NEWSFLASH: being a bitch to someone you think was a bitch doesn't make you right either.

Here's the thing. I don't condone people being mean to each other. I really don't. (Sidenote: one of my biggest pet peeves in life is when someone is attempting to offend or insult another person and doesn't use the appropriate grammar. Kills me.) But what's wrong with honesty and what's so wrong with making a joke or being sarcastic. No one complained when the jokes were about Asians or fat people and no one came to the defense of babies, but you literally say something harmless and people flip their shit. Does this make any sense to anyone?

Is it weird that she is obsessed with Suri? Probably. But it is certainly no more weird than my obsession with the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. And without a doubt less weird than an obsession with pastel prints as an adult. But you know what? To each is own.

This issue turned much bigger than it needed to. These people who were supposedly "defending" their friend turned around and did the very thing they accused MODG of doing. Do me a favor. Go read THIS POST. But after you do that, make sure to check out the rest of her blog.

You'll notice nowhere in the post does she say "I HATE ANYONE WHO IS IN THE JUNIOR LEAGUE AND LIKES LILLY PULITZER. THEY ARE AWFUL AND SHOULD HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES LISTENING TO NICKLEBACK." All she says is that Lilly might hate her and she got the side-eye in the Lilly store and that a certain blogger never responded to her e-mail. (And obvs she can't hate the Junior League because I am in the Junior League and we are internet besties.)

True, she says: "So MODG readers. Go to her blog and tell her that she hurt my feelings and also try and prank call her if you can. That's the true reward for pissing me off. I mean be nice, I guess." But see, that is a little something called SARCASM. It's new, so maybe you have never heard of it. No big deal.

And she talks about the blogger in question just like she talks about everyone else. No one came to my defense when she called me a bitch, but then again no one has come to her defense when I called her a bitch. Why is this scenario different? Why is it appropriate to talk shit now of all times?

I am convinced that grown-ass adults can't get over shit. Blogging is not high school. That especially goes for you. And you.


Everyone's hypersensitivity is zapping my will to blog.

As I have said before, if you don't like what someone says, don't read it.




P. S. If you are trying to insult someone, don't use the word "classy." For the love, it makes you sound like Vicki Gunvelson from Real Housewives and it makes me laugh at you behind your back.
sarah (signature)

News You Can Use.

I've got news. Big news, in fact. Most would probably even call it HUGE news.

But you guys can't know yet.

But as soon as things are finalized you will know. And you will die of awesomeness.

Get ready.

sarah (signature)

Friday, February 12, 2010

Fun Fact Friday.

S and I are shopping for a house. We had been to open houses and all of that jazz before, but we have finally gotten serious. Engaged a Realtor, all that jazz.

Every time you look at a house, they give you a "Seller's Disclosure Notice." Until we looked at a house with an actual real live Realtor, I had never paid attention to this (mainly because it was still all pretend in my head).

That's when I noticed today's fun fact...

On The Texas Association of Realtors Seller's Disclosure Notice, one of the questions is:

"Are you (Seller) aware of any of the following conditions: (Mark Yes (Y) if you are aware and No (N) if you are not aware.)

Previous Use of Premises for Manufacture of Methamphetamine."

Leave your fun fact in the comment and try your best not to good "fun facts" or "random fact". I am on to you people.

sarah (signature)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Word.


Bitches ain't shit but hoes & tricks
Lick on these nuts & suck the dick
Get the fuck out after you're done
And I hope in my ride to make a quick run...

sarah (signature)

Found.


This photo is titled: "The time I parked my car next to an axe murderer and could have died but did not."*





*Do you not see the mannequin head in the backseat? #1 sign of a killer.


sarah (signature)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

An Open Letter.

Dear Neighbor,

I realize you are a firefighter or an EMT or both (but definitely not neither because once you came to your house in an ambulance, which to be honest, I'm not sure is totally legal).  But this does not explain why you insist on coming home and getting into and out of the car repeatedly at my bed time.

For a while, I was consistently going to be at somewhere around 10:30.  Every night you came home, banged around in your driveway and went inside (I  know what you were doing because more than once I was CONVINCED my car was being broken into and peeked out the window with my cell phone in hand so I could call the cops...false alarm).  Last night I went to bed slightly earlier than I had been (my preferred time of 9 o'clock, thankyouverymuch), and you were back in your driveway banging around.

Is this some sort of joke?  Honestly, I am not even mad about this, more just confused.  Why does this always happen as I am going to bed?  Are you stalking me and you have to put up your spy equipment once I go to bed?

Please explain yourself.

Hugs,
sarah (signature)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Bad News.

Yesterday was a test of your psychic abilities.

All of you FAILED.

Except her. And Amy (but only because Amy knows Mandarin).



sarah (signature)

Monday, February 8, 2010

You Speak Mandarin?

sarah (signature)

Friday, February 5, 2010

Fun Fact Friday.

Last night, 2 Buddhist monks walked into the sushi restaurant.

Not a joke. Totes 100% serious.

Seriously.

So today is Friday.

Leave your FACT in the comments. Don't tell me how funny or pretty I am unless you are also making my brain smarter (honestly, I don't know if that's even possible).

Fun Fact: In the early 1900's, an elephant was actually tried, convicted, and hanged for murdering a politician's daughter during a circus parade.



Happy Weekending!


sarah (signature)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Peer Pressure is a Bitch.

Last week, my Asian friend, MODG, posted a face collage. Today, my other Asian friend posted hers.

What does this tell me? (Besides the fact that I am awesome because my internet friendships are so diverse) THAT THE INTERNET DOESN'T LIE.

So of course, since everybody else (or at least everybody else I deem cool and awesome) was doing it, I had to do it too.

Obviously.

(They cropped out my signature Miley Cyrus/Asian tourist pose...*sads*)


So at first, I was PISSED. Chelsea Clinton? She has crazy hair. Not interested. Not even a little cute.

But then I saw Elle Macpherson WHO WAS A SUPERMODEL and Petra Nemcova who Wikipedia describes as "a model, television host, author, and philanthropist" (I was just going to say ANOTHER MODEL) and I was like "Holy hell. The internets are ALWAYS truthful. ALWAYS."


Feeling totally confident, I submitted another picture and this is where I started to lose a little bit of my faith in the interwebs...



This is where at first I was all "WTF INTERNET. CANDICE BERGEN. LANCE BASS. YOU ARE DEAD TO ME INTERNET."

And then it dawned on me...the internet is so in tune with truth and honesty that from this picture it picked up my amazing wedding planning skills and witty comebacks circa CBerg in Bride Wars. Duh. Then I realized it was able to infer my off the charts dance moves and ability to dance as a part of a group and my amazing stage presence...LANCE BASS.

I'm sorry I doubted you internet.
sarah (signature)