"All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband."
(By the way, does anyone know where that quote is from? (hint: When Harry Met Sally) I felt like it was an appropriate title because women in general are basically nuts and I have heard people say crap like that in real life or "IRL" as the cool kids say)
Today's topic: Relationships
At least I'm skinny asked: "Where can I find myself a suitable boyfriend so the boys I work with will stop making fun of me? I have very low standards - beating heart, not homeless, not a 500lb virgin, etc." (I cut out the part at the end where she makes some lame excuses for not being on time with her question, but I am generous so I will answer anyway...)
Well, you can meet boys at plenty of places and seeing as how you have obviously low standards, may I suggest the following: prison, strip clubs, rehab and the unemployment office. MODG met B drunk at a tailgate when she walked up to him and announced "hi. I'm going to marry you" (but be careful, Amanda was lucky...she ended up married to Cole Hamels...being too drunk could backfire and you could end up engaged to someone with the uglies). I met S at a bookstore, so you could always go trolling for men at a Barnes & Noble and see what happens (for the record, I wasn't trolling).
Kel and Jame (not sure which one exactly) from Misadventures From the Batcave asked: "Dear Sarah, I like this boy and he doesn't like me back. I can't believe it either, but said was confirmed today when he entered into a facebook relationship with my competitor. I do not find her a worthy opponent. Nor is he good for me. What's my next move?"
Here is my question to you (and yes, I know it is rude to answer a question with a question): why do you like a boy who is no good for you? He clearly lacks sense if he didn't choose you. This can be a bit tricky, but with my expert guidance you will get through this situation with ease. Since we are in the technology age, you must start by putting a super hot photo of you as your Facebook profile pic. The hard part here is that you have to dance the line between "you should like me because I am slutty/easy" (no good) and "you should like me because I am way hotter than those other bitches you look at" (tres good). Then you must go out with people who like you because you are fabulous and forget about the bad news loser who likes some stupid skank.
jessalyn asked as a follow-up to yesterday's question: "also- i was hoping i could add to my question yesterday- its kind of related: how do i get my dumb man friend to buy me a big sparkly ring. (i think the skinnies would help, that's the relation). thanks!"
Dumb man friends can be tough nuts to crack. All I did was act the hotness with a strong case of the skinnies and a touch of witty and S flocked to me, but I want to do all I can to help my readers so for this I will consult S (warning: he is not nearly as funny as I am)...
From S: "Unfortunately, you can't. Putting pressure on him will just drive him away. Patience is the only answer. Sorry."
Updated to add (by me, not S...his friends aren't nearly this resourceful): MODG and Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman reminded me of a story (take it for what it is worth): A girl I know wanted a membership to this health club here in town and membership isn't cheap (think a little more than few thousand dollars for initiation fee and a few hundred a month). Her husband refused to pay the money but she begged and begged. Finally he told her he would hear her out if she created a business plan and set up a meeting with him for one night when he got home from work. She did a ton of research and presented her business plan...in her lingerie. She got her club membership.
Sort of related to relationships, but not really, Kiera asked: "is a purple master bedroom demasculinizing?"
Not if you are a homosexual man.
6 days ago