Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Case Against Toast.

S and I are registering for home goods, etc. I have done lots of research on what I want and know just what will make my kitchen perfection and drive me to start cooking. (that's my current excuse for not cooking, and I am sticking with it)

We will register for all of the normal things...blender, mixer, toaster, plates...because that's what you do when you register. You ask for appliances. And plates. And flatware.

I ask him yesterday what he prefers...a toaster with 2 slots or 4 slots (he said he wanted to be involved). He responds "Four. What if we both want toast at the same time?"

I HATE TOAST.

HATE. HATE. HATE.


Toast is the bane of my existence.

Toast is a worthless breakfast pastry.

If I want a bread product for breakfast. I will have a croissant or a bagel. I will not have toast.

When S had knee surgery, EVERY DAMN MORNING he wanted toast. I think he did this out of spite.

You put the bread in the toaster and you wait. AND THEN YOU WAIT MORE. AND THEN YOU REALIZE THAT THE GODDAMNED TOASTER ISN'T EVEN PLUGGED IN AND THEN YOU PLUG IT IN AND WAIT SOME MORE.

Toast is stupid.

Then, you have to pull the toast out when it is still warm (assuming it is toasted enough but not too much...you are beyond screwed if the toast wasn't toasted enough...you will never be able to figure out the perfect settings to get it right) to put the butter on it. If you use a stick of butter, you have to leave the stick of butter out to soften but you still have big indents in your bread where you tried to make it spread but FAILED.

It doesn't even fill you up.

Toast tries too hard. It wishes it was a bagel, but will never be that awesome.



Toast will never be filling. Not ever.

When you get toast at restaurants, it is never done right. Never. Either under done or over done, but never warm enough to make the butter spread all over it.

Toast is good for one thing only and that is soaking up the yoke from a fried egg.

It is inevitable that I will get 24 comments telling me about how awesome toast is. Those are lies. Neither you nor S will convince me that toast is cool. NO ONE will convince me.

Toast is dead to me.

But in case you are wondering, we are registering for the four slot toaster.



sarah (signature)

40 comments:

MODG said...

what about Jesus toast? WHAT ABOUT IT?

Samma said...

I like the smell of toast, and it in combo with a fried egg. That's about it, otherwise I am with you.

carrie1 said...

I think you just convinced me to hate toast!

Cee said...

The only time I will eat toast is if K makes me a homemade breakfast sandwich. Even then I would prefer a bagel because toast is so boring. I never eat it on it's own. Boo toast.

HoustonGurly said...

You're right: toast is only good for eating fried eggs with a runny yolk.

Oh, and BLTs. YUM!

B-Dub said...

The only good thing about toast is that my punks know how to make it themselves and it shuts their pie hole from asking for the 234234234 time if they can have a snack. Thank you toast, for my sanity.

Amie said...

I hear you but I still love me a nice juicy piece of toast.

jules said...

Toast does wish it was a bagel. My fav thing for toast is dipping it in egg stuff too! Plus my toaster is NEVER plugged in either and I never know why. I never unplug it.

Existential Waitress said...

For whatever reason I became gluten intolerant about a year ago and therefore can no longer eat toast. Toast is now dead to me too. In fact, toast can just go fuck itself.

Natalie said...

Toast is blah. It's okay as a breakfast accessoy, but not the main event. And it most definitely needs something with it- like cinnamon & butter or jelly or even better, an egg.

Toasters are a neccessity though. They're good for bagels, pop tarts & toaster strudels.

jayme said...

amie just said "juicy piece of toast"... umm... am i eating the wrong type of toast because i've never had a "juice piece of toast"... well now i don't like toast anymore.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Toast is not awesome. Agree. We have a six-slot toaster. And a breadmaker. Ask me how often we use that?

We also have 36 goblets - crystal -that my MIL said we "HAD" to register for ... I use them for ice cream every ...well, never.

So make sure you put those on the list, too. And china ... for when the President comes for dinner.

James Robert said...

I agree toast isn't and won't ever be as delicious as a bagel however, carbs are evil, evil little bastards.

I'll exchange the chewy goodness of a perfectly toasted bagel for a smaller, less awesome piece of bread.

Caitlin said...

So screw all of you. I LOVE Toast. Toast is delicious and the besty best thing ever. It is simple and unpetencious. And delicious. I could eat toast all the time. Best hang over food ever. I do love bagels and other breakfasts treats too, but I also love toast. So fine, I will eat all the taost you people are not.
ox
The Apparently Last Toast Lover

Born to be Mrs. Beever said...

I eat my toast with peanut butter on it and then sprinkle it with cinnamon sugar...try it, you might change your mind :)

Calling_Rhonda said...

My problem with toast is that is isn't feeling! I am with you...a bagel is the way to go.
At least with the four slots you can toast your bagels..hey hey hey!
Speaking of bagels, you need to try the honey nut cream cheese...TDF

I am Trish Marie said...

Good choice future hubs. Good choice. Because one day you will have two kids. They will both want TWO Eggo French Toast waffles (The kind shaped like four little pieces of french toast. Not the "stupid" kind that just tastes like french toast. Don't make that mistake.) for breakfast. If you only have a two slot toaster, you can only make one set at a time, leaving your oldest child to scream that she always knew you loved the youngest child the most because you made her effin waffles first this morning. Or something.

Also, just remember the fancy pots that can go in the dishwasher (my number one criteria) are not non-stick. This is sad. Sad, sad for the fancy pots. Also sad for the food I cook that burns in the fancy pots.

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

Well played but think of it this way... he gets 2 slices of toast and you can make your bagel warm and wonderful at the same time - everyone WINS!

Becki Jacket said...

I had to do a science experiment with toast when I was in like seventh grade. I have a hard time eating toast, it takes too long to toast. I'm impatient and I'd rather just eat the bread without toasting it.

amy kelinda said...

I actually love toast. Mmmmmm! Did you know that 1 bagel is equal to 5 slices of bread? It's the truth! And I've never had an issue with bread breaking because of butter. What kind of sissy bread do you guys get?! (jokes!)

By far the best appliance ever to get you cooking is a food processor.

ZDub said...

Fuck toast.

saltsays said...

That is the saddest toast I've ever seen.
Also...I don't care what anyone says about registering being fun. I thought it was hard and it caused me to have a panic attack. I am far too indecisive for such things.

saltsays said...

Oh and PS...I did you know that you can cut a hole in the middle of a piece of toast, put it in a pan and fry the egg right in there? My dad does this and calls it "eggs in a basket" or some other stupid thing. It is tasty though.

Meagan@Megs7827 said...

24th comment! Toast rocks!

Cuddleslut said...

I also HATE toast. Too cripsy. It scratches my gums. (I'm a freak. I know.)

I like my bread like I like my french fries. SQUISHY!

Taylor @ Jimmy Choos and a Baby Too said...

I love toast! I had to come follow your blog after hearing about your 12 times a year pooop! Im a new follower :)

Kristin said...

The only time I eat toast is when it's part of a sandwich. You just can't eat a BLT without toast. Don't tell me you don't like bacon.

Sophie said...

You might be onto something - I hate it when toast gets all scratchy and fucks up the roof of my mouth.

Just stumbled on your blog by the way - love your writing style!

Morgan said...

Make sure you register for an extra-wide toaster. That way - he can make his toast and you can toast your bagel at the same time. Then it will be worth getting! We got a Hamilton Beach SmartToast 4 Slice Toaster - and we love it.

Levon said...

I totally agree...toast pretty much rides the short bus to school while bagels and muffins and such play sports and get all the chicks...Bagels arent gonna get you the skinnies though, stick with the muffins...but OH a blueberry bagel with cream cheese is better than sex, but then, most things are...

Tara Gibson said...

haha you crack me up! I like the smell of toast, but it has to have cinnamon on it for me to eat it : )

Shandal said...

I LOVE dipping my toast in fried eggs. So good! English muffins are good toasted too! I like those with butter and cinnamon on top!

Llama said...

You are too much girl! I cannot lie though...im with S on this one. Toast is the best! Especially if you are sick....yummmmmmm!!!
ALTHOUGH!!! If there was a battle between bagels and toast...BAGELS would def. win!

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

i use it for soaking up the egg. totally. but i do also enjoy it with honey, i must admit

Sarah Mina said...

i stumbled upon your blog and just wanted to say hi! i am also a sarah in houston :)

Jennifer said...

I don't I have ever known someone who hates toast that much! hahaha I do agree with you though Bagels or croissants are a whole lot better for breakfast than a piece of toast! And good choice on registering for the four slot toaster... they look prettier another reason that'll make you wanna get in the kitchen and cook! :)

Karena said...

Can I argue on the behalf of toast? Well I'm going to anyhow. For the same price as ONE bagel, you can get a couple DOZEN pieces of toast. And toast does not require cream cheese which goes straight to your (read: MY) ass. Therefore toast is inexpensive and makes my ass look better. It's a win win!

erin said...

What?! The "most things are" better than sex comment made me cry for whatever kind of sad sex whoever agrees with that statement must be having! :'( Also, I'm not a toast-hater but I will say that your bagel picture creeped me out a little. I stared at it so hard for probably longer than I should've, trying to figure out what the eyeball was made of. I think I'm possessed now. :/

my favorite and my best said...

toast is for pussies.

anotherfishinthesea said...

Bagels ARE in fact so much better. J wanted a four slot too. We registered for two slot though. Counter space. And I like to win.