Let's get some things clear, people. When I give you guys an assignment, I expect you all to follow through. I know it is much tougher to follow specific instructions than it is to write "Just found your blog! I'll be back" but I also know that you guys can handle it. If I didn't think you could, I wouldn't give you that much responsibility. Yesterday's turnout was one of the lowest in ALME's recent history, so needless to say I am more than a little disappointed. Maybe you felt like my knowledge was too much for you to handle? Maybe you felt insecure in your desire for help? Don't worry, guys...the only one judging around here is me, and I will be so flattered you came to me for advice, I won't even consider for a second how obviously stupid your question is.
Secondly, last night I watched The Bachelor and immediately felt desperate. And then I was sucked in to Conveyor Belt of Love. Honestly, I can't even talk about the second one.
Now on to your questions...
Not all of them will be answered today, but they all will be answered (hopefully by the end of the week). I am going to start with the most pressing questions...people who need advice on getting their year started right (and I probably play favorites).
So without further ado...
Our first question comes from our friend MODG: "Dear Alme, What should my goals be for 2010. Please list 3. Hearts, MODG"
I have given careful consideration to what your goals should be for the coming year and I know you will take my advice to heart and do exactly as I say.
If you feel it is necessary/appropriate, please feel free to update us all on a regular basis as to your progress.
1. Work on your high kicks. We all know that despite your protestations, your life-long goal is to be a professional cheerleader. This is not something to be ashamed of, but it does lead me to your next goal in 2010...
2. Maintain the skinnies for the entire year. You know my standards. I would hate to stop being internet friends on account of you having the fats. We can have weekly weigh-ins and body fat calculations if you think it would help.
3. Find a doula to massage your taint (this is the only word I could come up with for the space between your butthole and your girl parts) to make it pliable for labor. If you are for serious about maybe having a baby at some point, it can't hurt to start this now. According to sources, this is a crucial step in the childbirthing process.
May 2010 find you with sustained good shopping karma.
11 hours ago