Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Pretty is as Pretty Does.

Not surprisingly, a ton of you asked me questions regarding health/beauty/fitness (and by a ton, I mean 3 people). Tomorrow we will cover relationships, so don't go around today making any rash decisions. This whole thing could take longer than I thought it would though, so this may be turning into a weekly thing. We'll see what happens.

Let's start with the easiest question to answer...
From jessalyn: "i would appreciate secrets to staying skinny please. i need to be as skinny as possible with little to no effort thanks :)"

Well, Jessalyn, this answer is simple: don't eat. When you eat, you get fat. If you don't eat, your stomach shrinks up and after a while you don't even feel hungry anymore. Problem solved. Wasn't it Kate Moss that said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"? Adopt that as your mantra. If you must eat, stick with celery. And I mean I guess if you were bored you could go to the gym or go for a jog or something, but exercise is for wimps.

The next question comes from Kristin over at BonBonRose: "Any advice on how to tangle a horrible jungle of a mane into something presentable. I'm thinking gorgeous 40s style waves. You said ask anything."

Kristin you came to the right place. I have stick straight hair that won't hold a curl to save my life, the same haircut for YEARS and when through more than one unfortunate phase where the bangs started in the middle of my head, so clearly you knew what you were doing when you came to me for hair advice. I think you should keep the "40s style waves" to people like Blake Lively who just wake up with amazing hair and instead should consider something like this:

Kristin, I think you would find this both flattering to your frame and your face and something tells me the husband will dig it! The secret to good hair is not to fight it. But if you insist, here's a video (not of me sadly).

Today's last set of questions comes from everyone's favorite hippie/mother-of-the-year, Z-Dub:
"How do you feel about UGG boots? How do you feel about UGG boots + leggings? Should I adopt a baby from Asia?"

Let's get something straight from the beginning, I own two pairs of UGG boots. I wouldn't say that I like them though. The trick with UGGs is knowing when and where they are appropriate. Walking the dog on a chilly morning before you actually put on real clothes? Absolutely okay. One a bazillion hour road trip with your boyfriend at the time to go to his hometown for the holidays with 800 stops at truck stops? Also totally okay (just don't look like you belong at a truck stop). Also, I just bought my first pair of leggings two weeks ago and have worn them in public all of one time (they make me kind of nervous). UGGs and tights teaming up together is an ABSOLUTELY NOT. DO NOT PASS GO. What the hell are you trying to prove in with that combo? It's a terrible idea. I don't care what anyone says about "OMG. It's SOOO cute!" The people who tell you that are LIARS. They want you to look foolish in public and you should probably not hang out with them anymore.

The Asian baby question deserves its own post because Asian babies are an important topic (and I think we all know that one of my priorities is treating things with the respect they deserve). At first I thought, no way. An Asian baby in the Z-Dub house would throw off the entire power balance of power. But then I thought about it some more and thought about how perfect it would be for this reason: Z-Dub and her daughter are white. Her husband is Asian-y and her son is part Asian. The adopted Asian baby would complete the circle of life. So my answer is YES. Absolutely. Adopt an Asian baby and name her Sarah. You're welcome.

sarah (signature)


Kel and Jame said...

i literally just came over to complain about getting fat. and saw the skinny post. I think I have gained 5 lbs in the past week. Unacceptable. Coffee and Stress should do the trick. Coffee suppresses my appetite for the whole day and makes me a super hero. Anyway i am burning my fat jeans in a bonfire this week. Take that fatness.

Shanny said...

Hilarious! Now I know what my problem is, I freaking eat! I knew it felt wrong to succumb to hunger but now I know better. Celery all the way!
Oh, and where can I meet the dude? I wanna run my fingers through his sexeeeey hair, yum! though if I can't meet him, I'll settle for Kristin when she is done getting her look together, cause it would totally flatter her lol

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

ZDUB YES TO AN ASIAN BABY. you know that they are the superior race. PLEASE get an asian baby. thank you.

and are you out of your mind? Uggs and leggings? Are you 19 in Kappa Delta? Is single guy brainwashing you? NO NO NO NO.

And that was me, taking over Sarah's post.
Hearts to one and all.
Especially Zoe.

Little Miss Southern said...

My trick for staying skinny is don't eat. & when I feel like I may pass out - I just eat a tic-tac. works every time. xoxo

Cee said...

Excellent advice...especially about the hair. I'm going to try that tomorrow morning.

Dollface said...

Great answers... cant wait till you get to my question.. xxxoo

jessalyn said...

thank you for the words of wisdom- i will not eat again until i am skinny.
you are totally going to be the next "dear abby" but better.

meredith said...

i had a friend in college with hair like that. he was a white guy with kinky hair. i called him fro dizzle.

tights and uggs remind me of SAA for sure...

Tiffany said...

miranda's (from SATC) way of getting skinny works too: have a baby, a job, etc. and not have time to eat. stress is better than cardio and has a lot less boob sweat.

coming through from modg. loving it here.

laurenfromtexas said...

I just peed a little.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Excellent advice on all topics. Minus the exercise is for wimps comment.

We can arm wrestle and see who the real wimp is, no?

Kassie said...

Big fan of the answers!! :)

HoustonGurly said...

You're too funny!

Ams said...

You kill me!
Okay now I have a question.
What do you do when you have one idiot 22 year old reader who likes to say stupid shit on your blog? So then you go all crazy... and then SHE write you a letter on your blog just to let you know that you need to put your life in perspective. I want to run her over with my car but I am thinking that's the wrong idea.

My post for her

Her letter to me.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

That is hysterical. Don't eat! LMAO!

ZDub said...

I also have two pairs of Uggs and I puffy pink heart them. I just wanted to make sure that you younger folk still deemed them acceptable.

I would also like to note that I do not own any leggings (yet) and I would probably be too chicken to wear them in public.

I agree with the asian baby. It might be nice for my husband to have a child that looks like him. And it's not like anyone would even notice he was adopted. Except my asian baby I gave birth to has BLOND hair.

We could just give it highlights.

Love you, mean it.


tee said...

It's a little known fact that before I follow a blog I must know where the author stands on the great Ugg and leggings debate. And while I see you own both I also see you rarely wear them which is marginally okay in my book.*

Great blog.

<3 always,

*I lied. It's not okay. This is a great blog nevertheless.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Literally laughing out loud. Not just pretend LOL.

About the skinnies, I too SWORE I would always be skinny and never, ever get the fats. I think that might have been part of the TriDelt initiation? Not sure. I was a little drunk. But ... 99.9% sure it said, "... blah blah blah ... Sisterhood and being really skinny. YAY! Go Dolphins & Pansies!" And there were candles, that much I am clear on.

But, one 10-lb baby and a brain tumor later ... not so much. Please don't block my posts because I eat brie (sometimes I eat celery with brie, though, not often.) And I think you are a riot.

MODG - This means you too. I think there must be a non-skinny disability clause? No? Or a 30+ exception to the rule? Celery without cheese gives me the sads.

brit @ landlocked bride said...

I'm so with you on the leggings and UGGs thing.

FashionAddict said...

This could be the best post ever. You're a riot, lady :)

At least I'm skinny said...

I saw a girl at the cell phone store yesterday (while I was stalking the hot boy who works there) wearing a sweatshirt, UGGs and leggings and I couldn't stop staring at her because she looked like such a trainwreck. She also looked like she hadn't washed her hair once in the year 2010. And her leggings were ultra see-through when she bent her knees and stuff.

She was basically the poster child for leggings not being pants and never wearing UGG boots outside the house.

Kristin said...

Dude. You slay me.

Jasmine said...

WHATEVER! I rock leggings and Uggs in all my 5 '10 glory and look fantabulous while doing so. All of you need to stop hating :P