Thursday, January 21, 2010

Your Turn. Man Up.

Remember that time I told you guys to ask me questions or whatever for a new weekly segment and nobody did? Yeah. That was awkward.

Today, I am coming to the internets for advice.*

I am getting married in some months. My ultimate goal is to retire and be a wife. As a job.

I am excellent at cleaning. I have a love of all things kitchen related. But I can't cook. And I don't want to be a wife FAIL.

I mean, yes, I can make shit from boxes. You have never had mashed potatoes from flakes, until you have had mine. Kraft Macaroni & Cheese? No one does it better. NO ONE. Peatunorni is my secret family recipe that I know BY HEART. But other than that, I've got nothing.

My friend, the infamous Jen, tells me, "Sarah, if you can read, you can cook."

Here's where you all come in (let's not drop the ball this time)...

What are some easy ass recipes for me to try? I'm talking EASY.**

Thanks, bitches.

*Once I started writing this post, I found this blog post. Decorno has more skillz than me. And I'm still craving a Twinkie.

**Also, maybe give me some weird ones that are delicious so I have an excuse to register for random kitchen appliances.

sarah (signature)


laurenfromtexas said... is my favorite because users rate the recipes... so you know that if a recipe has 9000 reviews & it's rated @ 5 stars, it's good. Also, people will tell you what they tried in the comments. Example: "Substitute catnip for the parsley for a real treat!" OK, that one was a lie. But the tips are usually helpful.

Also, buy The Pioneer Woman Cooks. There are PICTURES. Step by step pictures. It doesn't get easier than that. And everything is soooo good. And man-pleasin'. Yes, I just said man-pleasin'.

AuntBT said...

Agreed, is great. Just got one from there the other day. What will help you become a better cook is to use recipes, then add your own flare. Then you start getting comfortable throwing things together and creating your own dishes.

I just did a baked chicken spagetti, recipe called for only a few items, and I threw in green pepper and onion just to add more flavor. Turned out great. Just use basic stuff, and throw in a few things for kicks. You'll get comfortable cooking!

Good luck! :)

mamagooch said...

laurenfromtexas has it right. Here's a Pioneer Woman recipe that is TO DIE FOR and super easy. Step by step pictures and whatnots.
- Doesn't have to be new potatoes, just any type of potato, as long as they're all cut the same size. Don't be afraid of the whole garlic heads- DEY GOOD.

"Julie" said...

wtf is peaturnoni?

make lots of salads. it's hard to fuck up a salad, plus you won't get fat unless you drench it in ranch and add weird shit.

steamed veggies.

put a piece of salmon in a piece of foil, top it with olive oil, salt, and a slice of lemon. bake 15 minutes. voila. salmon. plus the lemon slice makes it look nice.

carrie1 said...

I will give you two..

Stuffed Shells (I have no idea if you even like pasta)

Preheat oven to 375

Get the pick shell noodles (I get two packs because they tend to break)

1 container of ricotta cheese
1 egg
a splash of milk (just a splash do go all pour crazy)
Shredded mozzarella ( use half the bag)
Parmesan Cheese (as much as you want)
Garlic Salt

Mix together..

Spoon a tablespoon heaping into each one

Line them up in a glass baking pan..

Pour spaghetti sauce on top

Top with remaing mozzarella cheese and bake for 30- 45 mins.

(this goes good with a good ceasar salad)

Kiera said...

LIsten- do you have a slow cooker? if not, then you can just use a pot and your oven at 200*.

4-6 chicken breasts
1 can of rotel tomatoes (in mexican food section)
1 pouch of taco seasoning (probs in mexican food section

put chicken in crockpot/pot put tomatoes on top, then sprinkle packet of seasoning. cook for like 4-6 hours. pull apart with two forks, then put them in taco shells with salsa, sour cream, guac and cheese.

you will def be his fav wife. promise.

dont forget coronas

carrie1 said...

Pick = Big dont ask how i messed that up!

Kiera said...

oh or you can do it before work and leave it on low 8-10 hours. no prob.

and i'll leave you a question: does your fiance read your blog? is that a problem with you? there it is.

carrie1 said...

2nd one...

I don't have a name for this one.. I don't even know where I got the idea from..

Get Chicken breast.. wash them off.. pat dry with a paper towel..

Mix three eggs together..

Dip chicken in egg mix

crush up two packages of saltine crackers...

and roll chicken in the cracker crumbs

put them in a baking dish

melt 1 stick of butter (or 2)

Pour on top of chicken

Bake for 20 -30 mins

The chicken comes out so tender and moist.. I love it

this is good with the flakey mashed potatoes... and broccoli or green beans! =)

Christy said...

Everything I've made off of this site so far ( has been easy and really good

Jenni said...

Hi Sarah! ::waves wildly:: We used to visit each other way back when you first started blogging (I was at Hiboux en Hiver, but I dropped it ... anyway).

I just wrote a post about my 'cooking' skills and how I came by them through lots of hard work. Last year on Jeff's b-day I wanted to make him dinner so I told my friend "Write a recipe for me like you were sitting in the kitchen with zero use of your arms and you were instructing a four-year-old to make dinner". And here's what she sent me. If I didn't fuck it up, neither will you!

Chicken Parm

3 Chicken breasts
1 egg
A little milk
Salt & Pepper
Vegetable oil
1 onion
1 red pepper
28 oz can crushed tomatoes
Red pepper flakes
Shredded cheese (mozz is good)

Okay. First cut up an onion and a red pepper. Cut the onion in half first, and then into slices (like a circle) then cut each circle in half. Cut the sides of the pepper away from the middle and cut the sides into little strips. Toss the middle and the seeds. Set this stuff aside in a bowl.

Now pound some chicken breasts. Do that by putting one in between sheets of saran wrap, or inside of a ziplock, and pounding it with something hard. A meat mallet is best, but if you've only got a hammer, a hammer it is! Make them between 1/4 and 1/2 inch thick.

Make an egg wash: Mix an egg with a little milk and salt and pepper.

Put flour on a plate.

Put breadcrumbs on another plate.

Dip chicken in flour, then egg wash on both sides. Let the excess drip back off. Dredge in the bread crumbs, both sides.

Meanwhile heat up some vegetable oil in a large skillet, you want the oil to be hot but not spitting (a good trick to see if the oil is hot enough, is to put a wooden spoon handle into the pan, touching the bottom. If bubbles form around the spoon, it's hot enough. If you hear spitting/crackling before you put anything in, it's too hot)

Brown the chicken on both sides in the oil (it will finish in the oven, so don't stress over whether it cooks through.

Preheat the oven to 350 somewhere along the way.

In the leftover oil, sautee up some onions and peppers and salt and pepper. Just wait until they are kinda brown and wilty. Add a 28 oz can of crushed tomatoes (the ones with basil are good too) and a sprinkle of red pepper flakes.

Dump the sauce into the baking pan and set the chicken pieces on top.

Put some mozzerella and parm or whatever you have kicking around on the top. Cover with foil, and bake until bubbly. 20 minutes should do, just cut into a piece of chicken to make sure it's done.

While it's cooking, boil some water and dump some pasta in it. The pasta bag should tell you how long to cook it, but you can just keep pulling pieces out and chewing them until they taste done.

Serve them together!

Sole Matters said...

IDK if you read Blue Eyed Bride's blog, but she posted several recipes yesterday.

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

I second the - they have lots of from scratch recipes but lots of - add this BBQ Sauce (or whatever) from the grocery store to make this item. is good too because all the recipes are listed with the degree of difficulty on them.

It takes a little patience but in the end cooking becomes more about a method than specific directions. Once you get down meat cooking times the rest sort of falls into place.

I learned to cook from watching 3 months of Food Network TV (I had lost my job - and had enough savings at the time to be picky about my next one). If it wasn't for Rachel Ray I never would have learned to cook. Her books are great!

P.S. Now is the best time to ask for items for cooking - put them on your registry. Bottom line if you don't learn to use the gadgets in a year or two, sell them ;)


Cee said...

I have this new recipe I "invented" that is really easy and good. You can kind of sub out things based on what you have.

get a 9 by 13 inch pan
put a layer of corn tortillas on the botton
cook 1 pound ground turkey with taco seasoning and 1 can green chilis
put the meat over the 1st tortilla layer then sprinkle with cheese
another tortilla layer
then layer a large can of black beans sprinkled with a little more cheese (use the mexican cheese)
another tortilla layer
top with lots more cheese and 1 can of ro-tel and bake at 350 for 20-30 minute
at the end you can sprinkle on some green onions and chopped cilantro if you want
also good with gauc on top.

I'm going to try and start posting more recipes on my I'll do some easy ones for you there too!

T said...

I have 2 for you.

My fav mashed potatoes:
6 medium sized potatoes (washed and cubed - keep skin on)
Boil until tender (about 12 minutes)
Use fork/knife to mash and tear skin of potatoes
Mix in a handful of chopped scallions, lots and lots of butter (I'm from Texas and we <3 our butter), salt & pepper, heavy cream or milk (use your best judgment - depends on how creamy you want them), a handful of parmesan cheese and a dash of cayenne pepper for a little kick.

Taco Casserole:
Brown hamburger meat
Heat velveeta, chicken stock & rotel in the microwave (quick queso)
In a casserole dish, layer the following:
Flour or corn tortillas (torn apart to fit dish)
Shredded cheese
Chopped onion or green peppers
Repeat until you get about half an inch from the top and cover the entire dish with queso
Since the ingredients of the dish are already cooked, you only need to place the dish in the oven (350) to melt everything into cheesy goodness.
Serve with pico/guac and or sour cream on top.

Kristen said...

Here are some recipes - dinner and dessert, cause I think dessert is just as important!

All very easy, and very good.

Perfectly Pleasant said...

Here are a couple of my go to easy weeknight dinners from Kraft Foods (they have tons of easy, good stuff.)

I don't do this as a wrap but rather serve over rice... and we use ground turkey.

I make this one with ground turkey, too.

jessalyn said...

i only make stuff from boxes too. OOOOHHHH (that was me having a brilliant idea) rumor has it that modg can make a mean brisket. tell S that it is in his best interest to have modg come and stay with you and teach you how to cook. now that is a good time.
as for a simple recipe- i third laurenfromtexas' suggestion of that's where i get all my easypeasy recipes from.
lastly, a question. how do i get this godawful adult acne to go away? i have already gone the proactive route and say "eh" to it.
(you must have an awesome visual of me, fat, begging manfriend to marry me, with adult acne.awesome.)
thanks all knowing alme <3

MODG said...

I don't trust any of these bitches. Too many tacos.
Make them make it, and then freeze it on dry ice, overnight it to you and taste it first. Obviously before you make it.

I gave you like 4. use them. I'm italian. Duh.

love in other words said...

easiest recipe ever

shopping list:

cherry tomatoes
fresh mozzarella (the bel giorno type)
fresh basil
a pack of pre-made tortellini

1. mince garlic
2. slice tomatoes in half
3. cut up mozzarella into small pieces
4. cut up basil into small pieces
5. boil water
6. add garlic to a pan with some pre-heated olive oil
7. sweat the garlic for a minute or two
8. add the pasta to boiling water
9. add the tomatoes to garlic and oil
10. let the tomatoes cook until their soft and then squish with a fork
11. when pasta is done add it to the pan with the garlic and tomatoes
12. throw the pasta and the mozzarella into a large bowl and mix so the cheese starts to melt
13. top with basil
14. enjoy

it's fast, it's easy and it's pretty healthy and if you buy the all cheese tortellini it's a great vegetarian option

love in other words said...

and if you want to register for a must have kitchen gadget here is one of my top picks - i use it almost every single night when making dinner|ctlfvtveg

Melli said...

I feel like you are reliving my life 10 years later. I got married in Houston and became a wife mom and I couldn't cook a thing!!! Now dinner every night. I will e-mail you some things.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

I always recommend that new chefs have a crock pot. All crock recipes are super easy and give you the confidence to step it up a notch on the stove. Do you have one?

ihatemichigan said...

Just made this tonight in 20 minutes...
Spaghetti Soup
1Lb beef, half an onion chopped, two cloves of garlic chopped, 1/2 teaspoon each of oregano, parsley and bay leaf, 1 can tomato sauce, 4cups beef broth, spaghetti.

Brown beef until cooked, add in onion and garlic until soft. Mix on the rest of the ingredients and cook until spaghetti is done.

Enjoy! Great on a rainy day!

Rachel said...

Did I write this? Are you me?

I recommend Pioneer Woman's cookbook. She got me cooking and plus she's hilarious.

Miss E said...

Do you own a Crock Pot? If so, check out this blog (and if not, march yo ass to Walmart and buy one):

Amazingly easy meals that cook themselves. And they're yummy!

gayle said...

Sounds like you have enough to get you started!!! Good luck!!

blabbing maggie said...

most def. to the crock pot. its cooking for retards [sorry, thats mean. but its true.]

i just posted yesterday about a recipe for pork tenderloin that ROCKS, and a cook book i just got - life after ramen. for those of us, myself included, who can only cook from a box.

[i mean, who am i kidding, those box meals are great. you know they're going to taste good, so why not make them?] :)

Levon said...

I usually head to when i'm stumped as to what to fix the freaks for dinner...which is always. They have a billion different recipes for each thing.

But i'll tell ya what, my favorite snack recipe is:

Buffalo Chicken Dip (which is also on

You can half the ingredients or use more depending on how many people you are feeding...

2 cups cooked chicken (i usually get the canned shit, just as good and even easier)

1 cup ranch dressing

1 cup hot sauce

16 oz sour cream

1 bag cheddar cheese

Now, of course you can make this the skinny way just by getting all fat free crap, and the chicken is pretty much fat free anyways. The Hot sauce hides the fat free taste so it's still good.

I just throw mine all in a crock pot and let it get hot. Poof. Get some tortilla chips you got yourself a snack to eat during beer pong.

bananas. said...

shit, i can't help you here. i don't cook nor do i intend to. ha! wifey material right here yo!

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

I am fairly awful at most things domestic ... that said, when I get a wild hare (hair?) to cook something, I check here ... ... can look up recipes by ingredients/ease/etc.

Renee said... Barefoot Contessa...super traditional French food made simple. You can't screw it up, I promise!

brit @ landlocked bride said...

It's hard to give you just one - I have a plethora of cookbooks. Let me know exactly what you're looking for, and I'm pretty sure I have a recipe for it.

Erin said...

I found you from Martinis or Diaper Genies and I'm your newest follower!

I love, too, and I also love Barefoot Contessa/Ina Garten. I always bought rotisserie chickens from the grocery store until I felt brave one day and tried her recipe for roast chicken. SO EASY. And seriously, if I can do it, anyone can!!! Bake some potatoes to go with it, toss a little salad, and there's a really nice, easy dinner!

I also like Rachel Ray's 30 minute meals. Most of her stuff is very easy. I just started by thumbing through cookbooks by these two until I found recipes that sounded yummy AND easy...and then my hubs was the guinea pig!

Sarah said...

The magazine "Cooking Light" is amazing. So easy, healthy, and everything turns out perfectly. Really hard to mess up!

HoustonGurly said...

I suggest Pioneer Woman's cookbook and cooking website. She walks you through step-by-step with pictures and descriptions.

If you can't follow her recipes, you're screwed!

Mommy Taylor said...

No recipes for you, but I agree on getting a crock-pot! It's sooooo easy to just throw all the ingredients in there in the morning and then you have an awesome meal all ready for you at the end of the day.

I'm totally bookmarking this page so I can try out some of these recipes lol.

Rach said...

Hi Sarah, I'm a follower via MODG too... first time comment right up in your face!!

I love me some Food Network but DAMN if I am going to spend that kind of cash and time on cooking for my boyfriend. Show me the jewelry and we'll talk. My latest thing is trying to stick to five or six ingredients or less. Rachel does not F around (despite what you may have heard).

Best soup ever:

drizzle of olive oil
1-2 cloves minced garlic
2 32oz. cartons chicken broth
1 9oz. package refrigerated cheese tortellini (like Buitoni, usually in the deli section)
1 28oz. can crushed tomatoes (NOT diced)
1 10oz. package (...hee) frozen chopped spinach, no need to thaw

Drizzle oil in the bottom of a large soup pot; saute garlic until golden and fragrant. Pour in chicken broth and heat to boiling. Add tortellini and stir in tomatoes. Cook 5-6 minutes, until tortellini are cooked through. Add block of spinach and stir until thawed and mixed into soup. Serve with a sprinkling of Parmesan cheese if you like.

Best part: a one-cup serving only has about 100 calories. That's without cheese, though, which is a life choice I can't seem to commit to.

Rach said...

Second comment in the same post, WHAAAAAT...

Artichoke Cheese Bread

1 long loaf French bread (make sure it's soft, not a baguette)
1 can artichoke hearts, any size (NOT oil packed)
1-2 cloves garlic, minced
2 T. butter
1 cup sour cream (OK to use reduced fat)
1 bag (2 cups) shredded white cheese... mozzarella, Parmesan, provolone, whatever... but not Swiss

Trim a thin slice off the top of the loaf of bread and carefully scoop out the insides to make a little bread boat. Tear the insides into small pieces; save the lid for toast.

Drain and finely chop the artichoke hearts. Melt the butter in a skillet and saute the garlic till golden and fragrant. Combine artichokes, garlic, sour cream, cheese and bread pieces in a bowl until well mixed. Stuff filling into the bread boat. Wrap tightly in foil and bake for 25 minutes at 350 degrees; open the foil and broil 5 minutes to brown the top.

Seriously: easiest appetizer ever, and people are SUUUUUUPER impressed and say nice things like "you are AMAZING" and "this is delicious" and "you're so pretty and smart AND you can cook?? how come you're not married?" Wait maybe that last one is just to me.

The Stallings said...

My favorite easy recipe is called "Ruby Stew" I call it Ruby stew b/c my friend Ruby taught me how to make it.

1. Brown hamburger meat or turkey meat
2. Add can of Tomatoe Rotel (1 can of water)
3. Add can of Green Chile Enchilada Suace
4. Add can of pinto beans
5. Add can of corn
6. Add cans of whatever else you want (kidney beans, ranch style beans, can of green chilies or jalapeno's, etc.)
Season to taste, Simmer and eat! It's a mexican flavored dish that is so yummy and very quick!