Monday, February 1, 2010

Just Say No to Garter Toss.

Last week, I asked you guys about the bow-quet. You guys for the most part said not only no, but HELL NO. Look, people, I'm with you.

The weirdest thing about all of this wedding crap is how defensive people get when you say you are not doing something that is deemed "tradition."

When we first got engaged and got this whole planning process started, I was talking to a family friend and said "Yeah. And there is NO WAY IN HELL I am doing a garter toss. To be honest, I'm pretty iffy on the bouquet toss as well." You would have thought I had punched a million puppies in their faces she was so upset.

So, the garter toss...
Per wedalert:
"Today, the tradition of the wedding garter is tame in comparison to France of the 14th century. In North America, the bride wears two garters; one as a keepsake garter and the other for the throw away.
Both garters are worn on the right leg just above the knee.

Before the removal of the garter, the bride first throws her bouquet to the single women.

The groom removes the throw away garter from the brides leg, sometimes he removes it with his teeth, but more appropriately nowadays he uses his hands. He does this while the bride is sat in a chair.

After the garter is removed, he then throws it to the single male guests. The male guest then takes the garter and places it on the leg of the single female guest who has caught the bouquet.

Those that catch either item are said to be the next to marry. In some instances, it is said that they will marry each other.

The keepsake garter is removed later in private during the honeymoon night."

Dear wedalert, thanks for clarifying that the second is removed in private.
Here is the thing: I'm not into PDAs in general, let alone INVITING my brand-new husband to go up my dress in front of all of our friends and family. Nothing about that to me sounds fun. Would you let your husband reach up your dress at the family reunion? (If your answer is yes, please find another blog. Thanksomuch.) I don't see how this shit is any different.

In what world is this appropriate? Please. Someone tell me.

My grandmother will be there. She already doesn't like me, I don't need to fuel the fire.

To add to this, most of the men at the wedding will be married. Same goes for the ladies.

Bottom line: In my world, garter tosses are tacky. The end.

sarah (signature)


MODG said...

who the hell wears garters anyway? This is not 1854. Thank you.

mrs. darling said...

i TOTALLY agree. TACKY. at my wedding i refused to have a garter toss (heck, i refused to even wear a garter) AND refused to toss my bouquet. it pissed off my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law so much they refused to speak to me for six months. greatest six months of my life.

they were also mad at me because i refused to have the reception in a barn and serve cans of beer out of a horse trough. and no, i am not making even one tiny bit of this up. god, i married into the klampett's.

Sarah RDH said...

hahaha every wedding I've ever been to has done it. And I did too! But no, Hubs did not stick his whole head up my dress, just his hands. And yes, it was extremely embarrassing, but so much went wrong at my wedding, I haven't even thought twice about it until now!


I opted out also as i am not a PDA person.

i actually felt the public kiss at the end of the ceremony was 'pushing it'

"Julie" said...

only do it if the garter is white...dolce.

Maggie said...

Totally with you here.

Wedding "traditions" that we skipped:
- Bouquet toss
- Garter toss
- Father walking down the aisle
- Veil
- Minister
- Wedding cake
- Wedding favors

He even snuck into bed with me the night before. Screw not seeing each other - it's the only way we were going to get a good night's sleep.

Point is, we eliminated everything that felt icky and fake to us, and concentrated on making it the most "us" we could. And our wedding rocked because of that.

Go with your gut.

SG said...

We will not be doing the garter/bouquet toss for many reasons:

-Most of our guests are already married
-Like you I don't need him sticking his head up my public
-I don't want to cut into dancing/drinking time.

Cee said...

What I think is weird about the garter toss is that (like Amanda said) people don't wear garters and if they do...who wears thigh high stockings (or any stockings) under their wedding dress? Since most poeple don't wear stockings to wear the garter you would have to just put it around your bare leg...which would probably be uncomfortable and pointless.

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

If you don't have a ton of single friends to get in line the garter toss is for nothing anyway. I always, ALWAYS ran and hid in the bathroom during the garter toss. At first it was a joke at weddings when my friends were younger - then once we all started to get a bit older, I would run and hide because the dance floor was then covered with children of guests, older divorced women and single grandmothers and ME! Worst. feeling. EVER!

I don't see myself wanting to do this tradition. I like the tossing of the bouquet but I'm with you on the whole "guy going for the garter in front of a crowded room" thing.

Can you believe that I've actually been to weddings there the groom has pulled out a HUGE pair of red undies from the bride's dress? I'm all for a good laugh but that's a bit embarrassing!

And yes I will admit - I have been the girl on one occasion at a reception yelling to the groom "NO HANDS, USE YOUR TEETH" like the image you have posted. Note: I was friends with the groom, not the bride and most of us didn't like the bride... not my classiest moment but still worth it.

Rach said...

I dig the idea of *wearing* one, but no way in hell would I force that squicky tradition on my guests. These are people I love and who are spending time (and money, hopefully) on MEMEMEME that day (OK, fine, on "us")... I don't want to put them through the stupid motions.

It's a big tradition in my family that the garter is handmade, so I'd be all for wearing it, if only for that "something borrowed, something blue" aspect, but that's as far as it would go.

F the bouquet toss, too. If we were all 22 years old it might be cute. As it stands, I'm a decade older than that and pretty much the last of the carefree single girls in my group. I have a friend who attended a wedding and was the last single girl over the age of 9... the bride actually handed her the bouquet and said "here, your turn."

My friend has more tact than I do. I'd have slapped a bitch.

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

P.S. This tradition gets worse if you do the whole bit where the man that catches the garter puts it on the girl that catches the flowers. Apparently for every inch above the knee he can get the garter on the girl this means a year of good luck for the bride and groom. I've seen this get very, very ugly, very quickly.

I'm going to say to hell with tradition make your own memories!

Rachel said...

I am super glad that you wrote this. I've been thinking about my own impending wedding and I've been thinking "no" to the garter toss too. I don't want people watching him go up my dress! UGH!

AuntBT said...

My single girl crazy event planning self has already thought about the future wedding (if I ever have one), and actually plan on doing something for the marrieds . . . no garter or bouquet toss. I've actually thought about getting a plastic baby and it relates to who will have a kid next. I already know I'm the last to get married, and totally embrace it. Best part? No one has to reach up my dress, nor will I have to throw pretty flowers.

Don't do it!

Kristin said...

OK, are you ready for this? My bridesmaids DEMANDED I do the bouquet and garter toss. I was totally going to skip it. I drew the line at having the dude creepily put the garter on the bouquet catcher's leg.

saltsays said...

I have loathed the bouquet/garter toss ever since I accidentally caught the bouquet at a wedding years ago and then had to sit in a chair in front of everyone and have somebody's drunk cousin try to get fresh with me while putting the garter on my leg. Eff that. Never again. I love my friends too much to allow something like that to possibly happen to them.

Besides when I throw things, someone inevitably gets hurt, so me not tossing my bouquet would be doing everyone a favor.

Amanda said...

ugh, so TACKY.

I do like the bouquet toss though...but no way on this earth anybody is sticking their head up my dress in front of my grandma. Or my pastor.

Sarah Mina said...

completely agree, i cringe at the thought of my dad seeing my boyfriend (and one-day hubby)reach up my dress to pull down a garter. and the "tradition" of the guy who catches the garter putting it on the leg of the girl who catches the bouqet? well, that's just awkward!

i think the throwing of the bouquet is a fun idea but if you're not doing a garter toss, it kinda looses its point.

Beckles said...

I have a few cousins that are older than me, and they all had bouquet/garter tosses. I never thought it was a good idea. 40/50 year old singles and 13 year-olds trying to catch flowers. NO THANK YOU.

BakerGirl said...

When the bf and I get to this point in our lives, I hope to skip both of those lame-ass "traditions"... Hopefully, no one will be too offended but if they are, tough shit.

Honestly, I would love a civil ceremony and an amazing dinner as my wedding but apparently that's the anti-social wedding and I'm not allowed to even contemplate that. Boo.

(P.S. Anyone who is still single by the time the bf and I get married will need more help than a caught bouquet)

on the Rhoads of life said...

I said no to the garter & bouquet toss as well. I think it's stupid and it's usually a 10 year old who catches it. Plus, we are almost 29 and a lot of our friends are married, so it sucks when you are at a wedding and they are trying to force people to get up to the dance floor to be singled out (I've been to weddings where there were LITERALLY 2 single guys - talk about awkward) I say - do what you want it's your wedding!

Chew said...

Well when you put it that way....probably not a good idea to include the garter toss and all that jazz.

I also think it would be totally strange for my husband to feel me up in front of all my friends and family. Leave that for the bachlorette party!!

Kiera said...

this was not even an option for me. so tacky. so. tacky.

Levon said...

Holy shit if all i had to do to get my in laws to not talk to me was to refuse to do the garter and boquet shit i'd have been all for it...but then, my mother in law was so drunk she wouldnt have even noticed if Jesus himself was taking a garter off of an elephant with his teeth...

ohhayitskk said...

I'm with you girl. Garters are tragic, and a total no go.

Cuddleslut said...

My friend didn't toss her bouquet, and no one noticed. I think she was trying to save me the embarassment of being the ONLY single girl in attendance, except for her husband's aunt, who only dates married men and probably would have given me a black eye while trying to catch the damn thing.

brit @ landlocked bride said...

I totally agree with you.

And, my FI proceeded to explain to me where this "tradition" originated: Back in the day (as in like 1700s), guests would rip off pieces of the brides dress before she and her husband consumated their marriage as a sign of good luck and fertility in their love life.

Now, don't take my word for it, but even if the above was not true, you still could not pay me to do the bouquet toss or garter toss, so I feel you.

Kassie said...

Ugh, couldn't agree more! It always seriously creeps me out when I see this at weddings, particularly if they play an especially gross song like "let's get it on" or something. Everyone has always called me a prude when I get embarrased, so I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm NOT a PDA person at all, and it's like...I get it, you're married, you're going to do a whole lot more than consumate it tonight, I don't need the preview!

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Good call on that one. I have a no reaching up dress rule in public (public defined as more than ten people in the room). My mom raised me to be a lady.

Laurel said...

there is enough PDA at a wedding. Agreed no garter toss. (I never even consitered it. )

Laurel said...

Ok I take this back... I think we are going to have our bachelor and bachelorette party together in Vegas with friends. I would totally do it then. I am not a shy person - but at the wedding. no.

Jane said...

I love how it says sometimes with teeth. What kind of wedding is that?

I am Trish Marie said...

Garter toss = tacky. Bouquet toss = calling out your one single friend and making her look like a complete idiot and she will hate you forever more. For the love of unicorns, hell no.

By the way, my husband caught the garter (and by caught I mean his best friend threw it at his face) at his friend's wedding when we were dating. They check to see if we have kept it, so we have to. This is just creepy. You want my husband to keep some of your wife's lingerie and DISPLAY it in our house?

HoustonGurly said...

I did both the bouquet and garter toss... To avoid the kiddos crowding the floor during such tosses, we had the flower girl aka "The Kid" toss a bouquet of candy.

The coolest part of our bouquet and garter tosses is that a one of our oldest couple-friends caught them, so we took a picture with them. (They've been together about 15 years and have yet to get married!)

Grace said...

Agreed! And it is so true that people get defensive about it. I told my boyfriend I refused to do a garter toss or the bouquet and he told me I was "taking the fun out of the wedding." No. It is tacky and uncomfortable. There will be none of that at my wedding.

Tracy Yacobellis said...

I am so glad I found this post. My first gut instinct is that I don't want to do either a bouquet or garter toss, but I am afraid people will be expecting it. I am not all that traditional for just the sake of tradition, so I am leaning towards "No" on this one. I kind of still want a garter though because my fiancé is wearing a kilt and I found this shop on Etsy that makes custom kilt garters. I think it is a cool way to be attached to my hubby on the day.

Justin Allen said...

Ah THANK YOU all here and the blogger too. After reading so much about garter toss ijust want to so fucking oppose it because iaint going up my woman's dress in front of all (especially her father, sure a dad must feel pathetic seeing her dear daughter's dress being lifted in front of all). That just so fucking obscene for me. I don't want to hurt any traditional sentiments. Ijust oppose it and strongly censure this particular tradition.