Friday, February 26, 2010

Fun Fact Friday.

Welcome to Friday, people.

You guys have been doing really well lately with the facts. It's been almost TWO WEEKS since I have been forced to read the "it's impossible to lick your elbow" nonsense that I got for several weeks in a row. Golf claps to all of you.

This week we have exciting new changes to FFF. Each week, I am going to feature the best and the brightest (read: the one I like the most) Fun Fact from the week before.

Today's Favorite Fun Fact comes from a reader that doesn't always comment, but when they do, they make it count:

剩沒底天 said...

My Fun Fact: Polar bears are left-handed.

And in honor of Go Texan Day:

Happy Weekending!

sarah (signature)

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Only in Texas.

Sorry for the hiatus. But I'm back.

Last weekend S and I had a thing. Let me start by saying that I was wary about this "thing" from the moment we received the invitation. The attire called for "dressy denim and boots."

When we got there, this was what we pulled up to.

I know it looks like it was taken by a drunk.  It wasn't.  **pinky swears** We were being rushed up the driveway because people were behind us and S forced me to speed the process along.  But what you can see is a country club with a big ass Texas flag across the front.  Only in Texas.

Which leads me to the outfit that Texas is proud of: the Texas Tux.

There is some debate on what this ensemble includes.

Per "Denim jacket, denim jeans, often accompanied by a bolo tie and denim shirt. May include cowboy boots and/or cowboy hat"  I have never heard it described this way.  I would hope even Texans would think twice before showing up in something like that.

WikiAnswers is more on board for the definition as I know it: "Texas Tux is tuxedo worn with jeans, cowboy boots, and cowboy hat. Often the cummerbund is replaced with a large belt buckle as well. Hence, only the tux shirt, jacket, and bow-tie remain from the original tuxedo."

Basically, it looks like this:

Snazzy, no?

sarah (signature)

Friday, February 19, 2010

Fun Fact Friday.

This week has kicked my ass.

So let's get right down to it.

Fun Fact Friday. You know the rules. Leave a fun fact. Or else.

Fun fact: When you die your hair still grows for a couple of months.

Happy Weekending!

Sidenote: there used to be a news anchor in Houston (RIP Marvin Zindler) who used to sign off on Friday nights with "Have a good weekend - good golf, good tennis, or whatever makes you happy." Every time I say "Happy Weekending" I think of that.

sarah (signature)

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

In Defense of Sarcasm.

When I started writing this post, it was going to be about people being too uptight about what other people wrote. As a blogger, you choose to put yourself out on the internet. In making that choice, you also have to be open to potential criticisms people make about you.

It was going to be sort of generic and talk about some random things that I have noticed lately. Mainly, too much unnecessary drama. People copying each other. People getting hurt feelings. People starting rumors about other people that they have only met three times in their life. The list goes on...

A few weeks ago, a blogger got her feelings hurt after she posted pictures from a party. Here is what the commenter said:

"I am SURE you are a wonderful girl. That is a beautiful dress and your hair is gorgeous but the color is WAY too light blonde for your skintone. Your roots and eyebrows look BLACK and that is not flattering. It washes you out. You need something less severe. You will be so glad you listened when it comes time to look back on your wedding photos years from now. Instead of saying what I was thinking? You'll be pleased."

In my opinion (for what it's worth), this commenter wasn't being rude. She was giving AN OPINION. The blogger posted pictures of herself on the internet and a reader left HER OPINION. It's the blogger's right to have hurt feelings, but you can't get pissed that someone left an opinion. You put it out there. If you are looking for compliments only, maybe you should make your blog private. My only problem with the above comment is that the person chose to remain anonymous. If you are going to have an opinion, make it count and put your name behind it. Otherwise, what's the point.

But then today there was another incident...

A blogger got her ass chewed for making jokes involving another blogger. She was called judgmental and mean, among other things. Here is a comment that was left on her post:

"So you're a bitch. And you internet bully. And you hate junior league, sororities, and all things deemed "high society".

Can't we all just hug it out?

I hate Lilly, but I am in the junior league and was in a sorority. I cuss and wear black and despise lobsters on pants.

But was this post really necessary? Do you even know the person you're hating on? Because I know if I received an email like yours, I wouldn't have responded either. It's clear you're trying to make fun of her. Why would she respond? And an entire post? Really?

Not to mention, you've just made this preppy blogger even more popular. You're fueling readership to her blog. And I can tell you, as someone that knows her in person, she absolutely doesn't care.

It's sad really..."

There were several nasty comments left including things like:

"Aside from all things pink & green, "preppy" and Lilly related, why do you feel the need to attack someone that you don't know?

I personally know this blogger and what you say is completely untrue. And just to make it very clear I don’t own a single piece of Lilly so the fact that we are friends has nothing to do with pink and green or Lilly. It’s pretty clear from your snarky email that you did not genuinely want to come to the Lilly Warehouse sale so who could blame her for not responding to you email.

Just because someone happens to be preppy or like Lilly doesn’t mean that they deserve to have hatred spewed towards them. The same could be said about your creepy obsession with Suri Cruise, does warrant an attack because you are some sicko???? Everyone has different things that they are interested in……"

"I'm not preppy at all. Im anti-preppy but that doesn't mean I exclude preppy people from my life just because they wear Lilly."

NEWSFLASH: being a bitch to someone you think was a bitch doesn't make you right either.

Here's the thing. I don't condone people being mean to each other. I really don't. (Sidenote: one of my biggest pet peeves in life is when someone is attempting to offend or insult another person and doesn't use the appropriate grammar. Kills me.) But what's wrong with honesty and what's so wrong with making a joke or being sarcastic. No one complained when the jokes were about Asians or fat people and no one came to the defense of babies, but you literally say something harmless and people flip their shit. Does this make any sense to anyone?

Is it weird that she is obsessed with Suri? Probably. But it is certainly no more weird than my obsession with the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. And without a doubt less weird than an obsession with pastel prints as an adult. But you know what? To each is own.

This issue turned much bigger than it needed to. These people who were supposedly "defending" their friend turned around and did the very thing they accused MODG of doing. Do me a favor. Go read THIS POST. But after you do that, make sure to check out the rest of her blog.

You'll notice nowhere in the post does she say "I HATE ANYONE WHO IS IN THE JUNIOR LEAGUE AND LIKES LILLY PULITZER. THEY ARE AWFUL AND SHOULD HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES LISTENING TO NICKLEBACK." All she says is that Lilly might hate her and she got the side-eye in the Lilly store and that a certain blogger never responded to her e-mail. (And obvs she can't hate the Junior League because I am in the Junior League and we are internet besties.)

True, she says: "So MODG readers. Go to her blog and tell her that she hurt my feelings and also try and prank call her if you can. That's the true reward for pissing me off. I mean be nice, I guess." But see, that is a little something called SARCASM. It's new, so maybe you have never heard of it. No big deal.

And she talks about the blogger in question just like she talks about everyone else. No one came to my defense when she called me a bitch, but then again no one has come to her defense when I called her a bitch. Why is this scenario different? Why is it appropriate to talk shit now of all times?

I am convinced that grown-ass adults can't get over shit. Blogging is not high school. That especially goes for you. And you.

Everyone's hypersensitivity is zapping my will to blog.

As I have said before, if you don't like what someone says, don't read it.

P. S. If you are trying to insult someone, don't use the word "classy." For the love, it makes you sound like Vicki Gunvelson from Real Housewives and it makes me laugh at you behind your back.
sarah (signature)

News You Can Use.

I've got news. Big news, in fact. Most would probably even call it HUGE news.

But you guys can't know yet.

But as soon as things are finalized you will know. And you will die of awesomeness.

Get ready.

sarah (signature)

Friday, February 12, 2010

Fun Fact Friday.

S and I are shopping for a house. We had been to open houses and all of that jazz before, but we have finally gotten serious. Engaged a Realtor, all that jazz.

Every time you look at a house, they give you a "Seller's Disclosure Notice." Until we looked at a house with an actual real live Realtor, I had never paid attention to this (mainly because it was still all pretend in my head).

That's when I noticed today's fun fact...

On The Texas Association of Realtors Seller's Disclosure Notice, one of the questions is:

"Are you (Seller) aware of any of the following conditions: (Mark Yes (Y) if you are aware and No (N) if you are not aware.)

Previous Use of Premises for Manufacture of Methamphetamine."

Leave your fun fact in the comment and try your best not to good "fun facts" or "random fact". I am on to you people.

sarah (signature)

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Bitches ain't shit but hoes & tricks
Lick on these nuts & suck the dick
Get the fuck out after you're done
And I hope in my ride to make a quick run...

sarah (signature)


This photo is titled: "The time I parked my car next to an axe murderer and could have died but did not."*

*Do you not see the mannequin head in the backseat? #1 sign of a killer.

sarah (signature)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

An Open Letter.

Dear Neighbor,

I realize you are a firefighter or an EMT or both (but definitely not neither because once you came to your house in an ambulance, which to be honest, I'm not sure is totally legal).  But this does not explain why you insist on coming home and getting into and out of the car repeatedly at my bed time.

For a while, I was consistently going to be at somewhere around 10:30.  Every night you came home, banged around in your driveway and went inside (I  know what you were doing because more than once I was CONVINCED my car was being broken into and peeked out the window with my cell phone in hand so I could call the cops...false alarm).  Last night I went to bed slightly earlier than I had been (my preferred time of 9 o'clock, thankyouverymuch), and you were back in your driveway banging around.

Is this some sort of joke?  Honestly, I am not even mad about this, more just confused.  Why does this always happen as I am going to bed?  Are you stalking me and you have to put up your spy equipment once I go to bed?

Please explain yourself.

sarah (signature)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Bad News.

Yesterday was a test of your psychic abilities.

All of you FAILED.

Except her. And Amy (but only because Amy knows Mandarin).

sarah (signature)

Monday, February 8, 2010

You Speak Mandarin?

sarah (signature)

Friday, February 5, 2010

Fun Fact Friday.

Last night, 2 Buddhist monks walked into the sushi restaurant.

Not a joke. Totes 100% serious.


So today is Friday.

Leave your FACT in the comments. Don't tell me how funny or pretty I am unless you are also making my brain smarter (honestly, I don't know if that's even possible).

Fun Fact: In the early 1900's, an elephant was actually tried, convicted, and hanged for murdering a politician's daughter during a circus parade.

Happy Weekending!

sarah (signature)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Peer Pressure is a Bitch.

Last week, my Asian friend, MODG, posted a face collage. Today, my other Asian friend posted hers.

What does this tell me? (Besides the fact that I am awesome because my internet friendships are so diverse) THAT THE INTERNET DOESN'T LIE.

So of course, since everybody else (or at least everybody else I deem cool and awesome) was doing it, I had to do it too.


(They cropped out my signature Miley Cyrus/Asian tourist pose...*sads*)

So at first, I was PISSED. Chelsea Clinton? She has crazy hair. Not interested. Not even a little cute.

But then I saw Elle Macpherson WHO WAS A SUPERMODEL and Petra Nemcova who Wikipedia describes as "a model, television host, author, and philanthropist" (I was just going to say ANOTHER MODEL) and I was like "Holy hell. The internets are ALWAYS truthful. ALWAYS."

Feeling totally confident, I submitted another picture and this is where I started to lose a little bit of my faith in the interwebs...


And then it dawned on me...the internet is so in tune with truth and honesty that from this picture it picked up my amazing wedding planning skills and witty comebacks circa CBerg in Bride Wars. Duh. Then I realized it was able to infer my off the charts dance moves and ability to dance as a part of a group and my amazing stage presence...LANCE BASS.

I'm sorry I doubted you internet.
sarah (signature)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

A Parable.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Sarah. Sarah was pretty, smart and had a constant case of the skinnies. Seriously, this girl was awesome. Sarah had a very nice fiance named S who was lovely and strong and funny and nice to be around. He was pretty awesome too.

One day, S was playing kickball and heard a pop in his knee (followed by pain, swelling, etc.). When he finally got it looked at MONTHS later, he realized he was going to need knee surgery.

** cue the sads **

S scheduled his surgery for 2 days after Sarah's birthday and a couple of weeks before Christmas. This was a perfect idea in theory (nobody's office is nearly as busy during Christmas). In practice, not so much.

Sarah tried to take the best care of S that she could. She even made toast for him every single morning. She HATES toast. She helped him shower and change his clothes (and that wasn't even the worst of it). When S decided to go back to work, Sarah drove him to work and picked him up in the afternoons.

One day, S could drive again and he didn't need Sarah to take him around. Sarah was okay with this. She got to hang out with S and not take care of him all the time. They were happy.

Then, out of nowhere, S came home with a very cute shopping bag in his hands. It was a surprise for Sarah.

It was a thank you gift for being so pretty and helpful. And it came in the form of heels with red soles.

And they lived happily ever after.

Moral of the story: do to others what you would like to be done to you and then you get Louboutins. The end.

sarah (signature)

Monday, February 1, 2010

Just Say No to Garter Toss.

Last week, I asked you guys about the bow-quet. You guys for the most part said not only no, but HELL NO. Look, people, I'm with you.

The weirdest thing about all of this wedding crap is how defensive people get when you say you are not doing something that is deemed "tradition."

When we first got engaged and got this whole planning process started, I was talking to a family friend and said "Yeah. And there is NO WAY IN HELL I am doing a garter toss. To be honest, I'm pretty iffy on the bouquet toss as well." You would have thought I had punched a million puppies in their faces she was so upset.

So, the garter toss...
Per wedalert:
"Today, the tradition of the wedding garter is tame in comparison to France of the 14th century. In North America, the bride wears two garters; one as a keepsake garter and the other for the throw away.
Both garters are worn on the right leg just above the knee.

Before the removal of the garter, the bride first throws her bouquet to the single women.

The groom removes the throw away garter from the brides leg, sometimes he removes it with his teeth, but more appropriately nowadays he uses his hands. He does this while the bride is sat in a chair.

After the garter is removed, he then throws it to the single male guests. The male guest then takes the garter and places it on the leg of the single female guest who has caught the bouquet.

Those that catch either item are said to be the next to marry. In some instances, it is said that they will marry each other.

The keepsake garter is removed later in private during the honeymoon night."

Dear wedalert, thanks for clarifying that the second is removed in private.
Here is the thing: I'm not into PDAs in general, let alone INVITING my brand-new husband to go up my dress in front of all of our friends and family. Nothing about that to me sounds fun. Would you let your husband reach up your dress at the family reunion? (If your answer is yes, please find another blog. Thanksomuch.) I don't see how this shit is any different.

In what world is this appropriate? Please. Someone tell me.

My grandmother will be there. She already doesn't like me, I don't need to fuel the fire.

To add to this, most of the men at the wedding will be married. Same goes for the ladies.

Bottom line: In my world, garter tosses are tacky. The end.

sarah (signature)