Monday, April 26, 2010

The Results are In...

Saturday night was THE NIGHT.

Amanda was all freaked out by rape, but I was more concerned with murder. There are lots of alleys and shit in New York and B seemed very tall (which = being really awesome at hiding bodies). The really good amazing news is that neither of them turned out to be murderers. At least not yet.

But here's the thing. I hope they don't turn out to be murderers because they were both so fantastic that I would feel bad testifying against them. Shit, I really hope they don't end up killing me. That would be so awkward.

There is a lot of pressure on an internet bestie meeting. We talk pretty much daily (on the internet, duh) and help each other with super important decisions, like what we should pack before trips and is it appropriate to pack a lookbook (answer = yes). Or where the biggest Forever 21 in California is. So if this didn't go well, I would have a major case of the sads and no one to talk to during the day if I ever find another job.

I feel a little bit bad that I disappointed her with my lack of Texas accent. I did manage to drop a y'all though, which I think impressed her. And S (the non-Texan) explained the usage of "y'all" versus "all y'all." Intriguing dinner conversation to say the least.

And for the record, I didn't eat a baby. Neither did S. We had totally normal things (I had some fish, he had some steak) and MODG was not lying when she said she basically ate off the kids menu. She asked for chicken tenders, but the waiter said no, so she was sad and B ordered some sort of piglet/baby chick thing that was the SUPER FANCIEST THING ON THE MENU.

Then S ordered lots of beers for B.

And Amanda rubbed her ass in a stranger's face (no she wasn't lying about that on her blog. +458 awesome points for her).

Then when the boys were paying the bill, B is all "Is it time for a photoshoot?" (+64 cool points for him) And we are all, "No, not in here" acting like we are totally modest. Then MODG is all "Why would we even take pictures, I can't put your face on the blog?!" (she says this to me) and S goes "SURE YOU CAN!" (he didn't ask me)

So then we walked outside, literally blocked the door and had a 5 minute photo shoot (including some with my camera that look like a drunk took them because I don't have a fancy professional one that requires me to carry it in a big ass purse).

Then the poop/fart cramps started (hers, not mine)and the toilet at the restaurant had a gangsta lean so they had to bail.

When they got in cab, S and I went to a bar called Asian (it was totally fate...literally right across the street from where we ate) to celebrate my very first internet meeting.

His verdict: "She looks way less Asian in person. They can totally come to the wedding."

P.S. If you go to her blog to see my face, please note that I am not pregnant and neither of our faces are that shiny in real life. Thanks for understanding.

Oh and P.P.S. those aren't leggings. Those are my FANCY PANTS.

sarah (signature)

Friday, April 23, 2010

George Washington is a Jerk.

This guy is sort of an asshole.  Don't believe me?  Read this.

Happy weekending!
sarah (signature)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Remember that time...

...that I told you all that I had big news and then I never talked about it again?

Remember how I said I didn't want to say anything until plans were finalized and that you would die of awesomeness?

Tonight S and I head out of town for New York.  He has work and I get to hang out...sounds fair, no?  But that's not the big news.


Saturday night MODG and I will finally meet.  For real.  In person.  B and S have agreed to participate as well, so things should be interesting.

I am pretty sure there is only one reason S agreed to be a part of this: MODG needs his "clearance" to be invited to the wedding.  If she and B can prove to S that they would be amazing wedding guests, they get an invite.

Keep your fingers crossed that B and MODG don't blow it.

sarah (signature)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Excuses are Like Assholes...

...sorry about the delay. I have absolutely no excuse for the lack of blogging except to say that it is so much harder to come up with topics when I am not busy procrastinating at work.

For whatever reason, this inspired me to take a look at my Google Analytics. There was a time when I would check this on a regular basis (needless to say, there haven't been any of those times lately).

I had all of the usual suspects...
a life more exciting blog
a life more exciting
i hate life i want something new and exciting

Then things got a little random and wedding related, which confused the hell out of me because I am pretty awful about wedding-related posts (not because I don't want to share, I just never do it):
my wedding updates blogspot
a guy took the garter off my gf with his teeth
audience participation unity candle wedding
did you do a garter toss at your wedding?
garter every inch above the knee
garter toss out of favor
garter toss tacky
garter wedding is tacky let's face it
instead of putting garter flower catch
is the garter toss tacky
making a bouquet out of bows for rehearsal
point of garter toss
putting garter on tradition
wedding garter toss creepy
what if there's no one to throw a garter to?
cool thing to take my wife's garter off

There were even more garter related keywords, but I decided to spare you all the rest. Needless to say, garters are a hot topic around here lately. To answer whoever came here because they were curious if the garter toss is tacky...the answer is yes. YES. And it was confirmed by whoever found me by Google-ing "garter wedding is take let's face it." Thanks for the back-up, friend. I'm a little concerned for the person who had a guy take a garter off his girlfriend with his teeth...that feels more than a little awkward to me (Was your girlfriend the bride? This could make things even worse.). But I hope I was able to help. Oh and I'm not sure that the guy who is talking about taking his wife's garter off is wedding-related.

Randomly, there were lots of keywords involving wellies, which confused the shit out of me because I only posted about them once (during a phase where I was going to try to talk about random pictures), but there is apparently a lot of interest out there:
college hunter wellies
girls hunter wellies pictures
hunter wellies
hunter wellies photos
wellies pictures 2010
should i wear jeans over wellies

And this is only a portion of the weird wellie keywords. But no worries, shit gets weirder...

There were several (I mean SEVERAL) keywords involving vaginas and birthing. I mainly blame this post and Z-Dub for this weirdness, but I'm also sort of flattered that the internet feels I have vast birthing knowledge:
baha'i "water birth"
doulas rubbing vaginas
hony vag
weird but exciting places to give birth

For those of you coming here expecting porn, I'm sorry I let you down. I feel like the person looking for "hony vag" was terribly disappointed. Also, I know nothing of a water birth. I am sure it's beautiful and awesome and organic, but all I think of is sitting in a tub of your own fluids and get totally freaked out (for the record, I refuse to take baths, I only shower, because the thought of sitting in my own filth horrifies me). I do know someone baha'i though. The internet could probably sense that. And as for weird but exciting places to give about the orangutan cage at the zoo? It's all "WTF? Why am I in the orangutan cage at the zoo? But damn if I survive this shit, this will make an amazing party story." See? Weird but exciting.

Next is the portion where the internet tried to insult me:
"i am a mean bitch"
make sarah's life more exciting

Screw you, internet. Moving on...

Things took a turn for even more weird, but I am pretty sure I am amazed and flattered that (1) there are people out there looking for some of this crap and (2) they found me as a result of it:
more straight asian guys public peeing
sarcasic digs at ppl
why pigs were banished in philadelphia in 1710
where to find sarcastic chat room remarks
vicky gunvelson
sarcasic digs at ppl
houston newscaster belt buckle and old blue jeans
kinky hair white
is it correct to say "they refused to speak to me"

I'll be honest, I had no idea people still used chatrooms. This is 2010, not 1996. Get with it. Whoever was looking for peeing asians is probably a pervert or a weirdo, but they get lots of credit from me for being so supportive of Asians 2010. Based on the "kinky hair white" and the questions involving grammar, people are wanting me to bring back my advice column. Person looking for "vicky gunvelson"...she doesn't live here. But she spells her name V-I-C-K-I. You're welcome. Finally (you're probably thinking THANK GOD), I hope whoever was looking for the "sarcastic digs" left satisfied.

This was my long drawn out way of saying I'm sorry. And I *pinky promise* to try to be better at blogging and not stay gone so long.

sarah (signature)

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Only in Texas.

There are no words for this.*

*For the record, I have been trying to load this stupid picture for 2 days and every time I tried, Blogger laughed in my face and said, "Haha!  No way that shit is real.  The internet only posts truth."  But then I guess Blogger did a little Texas research and figured it probably was true, so they went with it.

sarah (signature)